


Fatherhood

by Katmstanton



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Gen, Legal Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 45,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24398089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katmstanton/pseuds/Katmstanton
Summary: What happens when Barba's life gets turned upside down in an instant?
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba/Original Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

Olivia sat in her office later than normal on a relatively easy Thursday evening. She had sent her team home a few hours prior and had taken the opportunity of a quiet precinct to complete the mounds of paperwork that has accrued over the last few weeks. 

Lucy had taken Noah with her to visit her parents for the night to allow Liv the time she needed to knock everything out in one night. She was thankful for Lucy and knew the woman seriously needed a raise for how much she does for them. 

As she made her way back through the precinct after refilling her coffee mug movement at the door caught her eye as a young woman followed by, from what Olivia could tell, a 13 or 14 year old young man. 

“Can I help you?” 

The young woman smiled while the boy looked at his shoes. She could tell he had seen better days by the way his clothing fit and how he carried himself as the two of them greeted her. 

“I’m sorry. We got lost trying to find an address and when we passed the police station I figured someone could help.” 

They young woman rambled as she pulled out a notebook with an address listed and showed it to Olivia. 

“I know where this is and can take you over there if you would like. It is actually a friend of mines building and it’s not too far from here.” 

“That would be amazing but we don’t want to impose.” 

“It’s no problem.” 

Olivia smiled as she ushered them towards her office for her to grab her things. She watched the two and how they interacted. For some reason she had a feeling there was more to the story than she knew and she hoped she would find out. It is not everyday someone walks into her office looking for directions. 

“Jacob why don’t you grab you something from the vending machine” The woman said as she handed the boy some cash and he eagerly went towards the sodas. 

“My name is Susan Fields. I am a social worker from upstate.” 

“Olivia Benson. I am the Lieutenant here.” 

“What brings you to the city Ms. Fields?” 

“Jacob is new to our care. His mother recently passed away, We were provided his father’s information and after some digging we were able to hopefully locate him. We are here to meet him and allow the two to meet each other for the first time.” 

Olivia and Susan locked eyes for a moment before Olivia finished gathering her things. She did not know what she saw in the woman’s eyes. At first she thought it was sadness but deeper she saw a tired soul who wanted more for the boy. 

“I wanted to come alone on this trip but the court directed me to bring Jacob with me and if his father is willing to be a part of his life I have been instructed that he is able to stay with him for a trial period while we figure everything out on our end since he has no other family that are able to take him.” 

As the two finished their talk Jacob walked back into the office with his newly acquired snacks. Olivia watched Jacob for a few minutes as she finished gathering her things. 

She watched that he rarely smiled or made any visual emotion and only said a few select words during the visit. As she watched him there was something more there, something she recognized but couldn’t quite place. 

As she was gathering her things she received a text and smiled as she answered it. 

_ “Dinner? My place?”  _

_ “I’m on my last call but will be in your area. I’ll order pizza delivery on the way..”  _

As she made her way out of her office she noticed Jacob standing by himself outside her office while he waited for Susan. When she went towards him she noticed how he tensed up and did not directly look at her. 

“Hey Jacob. Ms. Fields told me you are having a rough bit. Want to talk about it?” Olivia asked already knowing he wouldn't answer her. 

“No ma’am. Thank you though.” He replied softly surprising both of them that he actually answered. 

“You are a tough young man Jacob. If you ever need anything don’t be afraid to call me anytime.” She told him as she gave him her card and her personal cell phone number. 

“Thank you.. Ms. Benson?” 

“Yes?” 

“Call me Jake.” He replied with a soft smile and went to fist bump her. 

It was a small, light fist bump but it was one nonetheless. She took it with pride and smiled at him before allowing her eyes to show the sadness she felt for the boy as she watched his face fall when Susan walked closer. 

As the three of them made it out to Susan’s car they agreed that Olivia would ride with them and then take a cab home later once everything was settled. Olivia had a gut feeling about Jake and that she would need to stick around a bit with him tonight if he stayed in the city. 

They made their way through the city towards their destination and Olivia could sense Jacob’s anxiety and nervousness from the backseat. She couldn’t begin to understand what he was feeling or going through at this moment. 

He was a kid who had lost so much already and be uprooted from his home and brought to the city. She grew up in the city and loved every bit of it but knew it could be a bit overwhelming for some. 

They made it to their destination and as they got out of the car she noticed Jacob stand closer to her than she expected. She was glad the young man felt comfortable with her and already felt the tug of her heart when she was with him. There was something too familiar about him that her heart recognized but her mind did not. 

“Thank you Ms. Benson.” Susan said as she grabbed a file folder and a small duffel bag from the trunk. 

“It’s not a problem. How about I help you with the bags and make sure you made it okay?” Olivia asked and Susan smiled as she showed Olivia the only bag they had was the duffel. 

“Will you walk with us?” Jacob asked to Olivia and Susan smiled and nodded at them. 

“You will need to know the apartment number in order to be let in the building. This is one of the nicer areas in town.” 

“Uhh do they have the names listed? I am unsure of the exact apartment number.” Susan said as she opened the file in her hand before giving the name she was looking for. 

“Do you see a BARBA?” 

Olivia stopped and looked between Susan and Jacob when she heard who they were here to see. As she looked closer at the young man she saw it. She saw the way his eyes were formed, the way his hair fell to one side, the way his shoulders slumped in the all too familiar way that let her know he was stressed and upset. 

“Is there a problem?” Susan asked concerned with Olivia’s reaction to the name.

“No.. umm.. it’s just.. I know the man you are looking for. He is a good friend of mine.”

Olivia smiled at Jacob before looking back at Susan. 

“I’ll buzz us up. He’s not expecting you is he?” 

Jake shrugged his shoulders and Susan shook her head. 

“I couldn’t locate the exact apartment number to send a letter and there was no phone number or employer listed for me to contact him through there.” 

“You wouldn't. He.. he’s a private person. I’ll let him explain it to you.” 

She entered the resident code to gain access to the building which surprised both Susan and Jake. When they made it to Barba’s door and she uncharastically knocked not knowing if she should open the door with her key or not in this situation. 

“Liv? Why didn’t you just open the door?” Barba asked as he opened the door and went to kiss her without realizing she wasn’t alone. 

“Umm.. Raf.. This is Ms. Fields and she is needing to speak with you.

Barba looked at the three of them very confused but allowed everyone to enter when Olivia smiled at him.

“Jake and I will be in the kitchen while you two talk.” Oliva stated as she lead Jacob away from the other two adults. 

He had no idea what she had dragged him into now and figured it had to do with a case which meant his romantic evening he had planned was now out the window as he would be stuck with whatever she had thrown in his lap. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

“¿Qué quieres decir con que tengo un hijo?” 

Barba yelled and rambled in spanish louder than he meant to as he and Ms. Fields stood in the entryway of the apartment. She did not know what to say back and instead handed him the file in her hand showing him the documents. 

“His mother passed away and left this and a will leaving everything to him through you. Her letter states the two of you dated briefly and she never attempted to reach out to you and never tried to let you know about Jacob when he was born.” 

Ms. Fields explained as she followed Barba to the table. He was too focused on the documents and the will in front of him to hear anything she said to him. Instead, he read the letter three times and read the will twice. 

“How - What - I have a son that I didn’t know about?! She kept him from me! She fu-“ 

“We still need to do a DNA test to verify paternity.” 

She interjected him before he could start to yell again. She had never met him before and was concerned for the temper and anger she was witnessing and did not know what he would do if he continued to get upset. 

“However, with the letter and how her will was set up regarding Jacob’s care and well being there’s very little we can do legally unless you deny the will and pursue a judge to nullify it. In the eyes of the law you are his guardian. We would have to transfer custody to you since he did enter foster care prior to this information being brought to us.” 

She watched him for a few moments as he sat glaring at the papers in front of him. She did not know what to say or even if he would let her talk as she saw the veins in his hands grow the harder he clenched and saw the vein in his neck and brow raise as he glared at the papers.

His mind was racing and he had no idea what he wanted to do or even what he should do. He remembered Jacob’s mother very vaguely. All he remembered was going out a few times and having a few hookups. There was nothing serious or long term in the short relationship and he never thought of her again. Until now. He did not know how long he sat thinking before Ms. Fields spoke up. 

“Our judge has ruled that Jacob is able to stay with you while the paternity test and legal paperwork is completed in order to officially transfer custody to you. That is, if you wanted him to stay here. If not, he will go back upstate with me and return to the group home.” 

Barba’s head snapped up at her with a look of pure hatred and vengeance. There was no way he would force Jacob back to a group home and back into a world of being an orphan. Whether or not Jacob was his biologically he knew Jacob deserved more in life than being bounced between homes and orphanages. 

“He will stay here.” 

Barba stared at her with fire in his eyes and all she could do was nod in agreement. 

“The next availability for a DNA test isn't for another month -“ 

“-I’ll get it done here by Monday.” He interjected her. 

“Mr. Barba, I know you are anxious to know the results but there is a process and we are not able to get it done before the scheduled time.” Ms. Fields replied getting annoyed at his attitude. 

“Ms. Fields, I am the ADA for Manhattan. I work with the NYPD, FBI, and Homeland Security everyday. I do not need a lecture in government bureaucracy. I live it everyday.”

He continued to glare at her and her attitude of Jacob and him. 

“We would not be able to cover the costs if the test is not conducted in -”

“I do not care about the financial costs and I do not believe it is Jacob’s best interest to hold him in limbo for another 30 days plus just to wait on a simple test. I will get it done by Monday and will make sure you get the results as soon as they are available.” He stated very matter-of-factly with a snide attitude. 

Ms. Fields nodded at her as he spoke before writing the information down in her notebook. He gave her the information for where he would get the DNA test completed. She did not miss the attitude or cynicism in his words and voice when he spoke but chose to not call him out on it.

“Does he have a lawyer or someone who is acting on his behalf during this whole process?” 

“Not yet. The state is setting him up one but they haven’t been selected yet.” 

The fire returned to his eyes as she spoke. He was not a family lawyer and was not as familiar with the juvenile code as he should be but he did know Jacob should have already had a lawyer assigned to him. 

“No need. He will have representation as of Monday. I will have it arranged myself. No need to worry about how it will be paid for as well.. Not like you were worried about that in the first place seeing as he did not have anyone upstate either.” 

She did not even try to say anything and instead nodded her head as she noticed his clenched fists. She was more aggravated with him the more he spoke but did not want to have him yell. She did continue to have concerns for his temper but decided to discuss it at another time. 

As the two stared at each other the doorbell rang and Olivia walked into the room with them. 

“Excuse me guys.. Just going to get the pizza.” 

Olivia could feel the tension in the room before she fully entered it. If she did not know any better she would think the two were discussing how to end every conflict in the world at the same time with how much stress they both had. As Olivia paid for the pizza she heard Ms. Fields speak up once again. 

“Okay. Well.. here is the paperwork showing that he is in our custody but you are the caregiver. This will allow you to care for him and provide any and all services for him while we wait on everything legally to resolve. My card is also attached in case you need me for anything.” Ms. Fields stated as she handed him another file from her bag. 

“He did bring his things but I should warn you there is very little he had and most of what he had at his mother’s is gone due to unforeseen circumstances when his mother passed.” 

Olivia looked at Rafael and saw the fire in his eyes start to die down and both of them shared a sympathetic smile between them as they looked at the small duffle bag by the door. 

“We will make sure he gets anything he needs just let me know the costs and we can get it to you.” Ms. Fields stated and he looked at her with fire in his eyes. 

“He is not a price tag. He is a human being. A child who lost his mother and all his possessions. We will make sure he has anything and everything he needs. No need to worry about that.” 

“Ms. Fields did you want to join us for some pizza?” Olivia asked as she tried to lessen the tension between everyone.

“No thank you. I actually need to hit the road but I would like to talk to Jacob first.” She said and went towards the kitchen where Jacob was, leaving Olivia and Barba alone in the dining room. 

“What is going on?” 

Rafael stared at the ceiling longer than she thought was possible. Olivia allowed him space as she watched him stare. She watched the fire in his eyes change to sadness and anger towards himself. She watched as his back and shoulders tensed further before he spoke. 

“A son.” He started to say as he looked at her with tears in his eyes. 

“I have a son. Olivia. A son I never knew existed, never knew about, never provided for, never protected, never -“ She stopped him and pulled him into a hug and let him quietly sob in her hair as she held him. 

Her heart broke as he mumbled things about him being like his own father and that he should have been there for Jacob and that he is angry at himself for not knowing. 

“Rafi you didn’t know. You still don’t know until you get the DNA test back. But for now, what are you wanting to do?”

“He is staying here. Even if he isn’t mine I am obligated to care for him and I won't send him back to a group home Liv.” He stated and Olivia smiled and nodded at him already knowing what he was going to do without him actually saying it. 

“What do you need from me?” 

He smiled and took her hand not needing to say anything as they could carry on a full conversation without actually using words.

“Still have Langan’s number?” He asked and Olivia gave him a questioning look. 

“Jacob needs a good lawyer and I am not qualified for family court and he needs the best.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

Rafael, Olivia, and Ms. Fields met with Jacob jointly after Ms. Fields spoke with him briefly in the kitchen. The adults did not know what to say or even where to begin in order to try and explain everything to Jacob. Jacob didn’t look at anyone and instead played with his hands in his lap. After a few, very long, minutes Ms. Fields spoke. 

“Jacob, do you remember what we talked about last week and in the car today?” 

“Yes ma’am. You told me about papers my mom left in case something happened to her.” 

He spoke quietly to the four adults not wanting to be too loud or say the wrong thing in front of anyone.

“That is correct. What else did we talk about?” 

“You said she listed my father on the papers and that you were trying to find him.” 

Jacob looked at Barba before quickly looking down at his hands. As Olivia watched Jacob and Ms. Fields she reached for Rafael’s hand to give him a squeeze as she knew this was tough on him to go through and for him to see Jacob so closed to the world. 

“Jacob, I .. uh..” 

Rafael started to speak but did not know what to say to the young man. He did not know how to explain what what going on because he could barely wrap his head around it himself. After a few breaths and a squeeze from Olivia he continued. 

“Jacob, the papers.. the papers your mother left named me as your .. father.” 

“I know.” 

Once he realized what he said his head snapped to Ms. Fields not wanting to be in trouble for already knowing why they were there. He had looked through her files and knew he shouldn’t have but only did it to figure out what was happening. 

“I looked at the file while you were filing the car with gas before we left this morning. I’m sorry. I just wanted to know and be in the loop. ” 

“It’s okay Jacob. You had a right to know.” Ms. Fields stated as she gave him a soft smile. 

“Jacob, we don’t know if I am your father or not. I have not seen or heard from your mother since before you were born. I never knew she was pregnant.” 

Rafael started to ramble, letting his emotions get the best of him. With a gentle squeeze for Olivia he was able to get his mind back on track but not before Jacob spoke. 

“So I’m going back to the group home? You don’t want to take care of some kid you don’t know.” Jacob quietly said and it broke both Olivia and Rafael’s heart. 

“Jacob, you are not going anywhere. Ever.” Rafael stated as he reached out to touch Jacob’s hand to stop him from getting up to gather his bag. 

“But you said -“

“I said a lot of things. Not one of which was that I didn’t want you.” Rafael said with a smile hoping to calm the nervous boy. 

“Whether you are mine son or not your mother entrusted me to care for you and to raise you if something were to happen to her. Jacob, I plan to do just that.” 

Rafael looked at the young man in front of him as and he did he knew the words he needed to say. The words that would help Jacob in this very instant. 

“Jacob, I promise you this - if you are in fact my son I will spend the rest of my life making up for the years I missed, for the years we did not have together. Hell, even if you are not my son, I will do the same thing. I know it’s been a rough few weeks on you. Ms. Fields let me know some of what happened. You are a tough young man Jacob and you have a bright and wonderful future ahead of you. I hope you realize that.” Rafael said with tears in his eyes searching for Jacob’s eyes to meet his. 

When Jacob finally looked up at him Rafael’s heart broke. Where the quiet and reserved young man sat a few minutes ago was replaced with a boy who longed to belong somewhere. 

Rafael saw Jacob’s red eyes and saw the tears he tried to hard to not let fall and before he realized what he was doing he was on the other side of the table crouched down to Jacob’s level and pulled the sitting boy into his arms and allowed him to break. 

Neither Olivia or Ms. Fields said a word as they looked at each other with tears in their eyes. Olivia nodded her head towards the other room and both women quietly stood and made their way out of the room as Barba held Jacob and softly spoke to him in both Spanish and English. 

“Umm.. I don’t know what you need us to do but whatever it is we will.” Olivia said as she handed Ms. Fields a tissue and both women tried to fix their respective makeups. 

“At this point there is not much to do other than the DNA test actually and Mr. Barba informed me he will be completing it here in the city since we can’t do it for another month. Until then, just care for Jacob and help him through the grief and loss of his mother. She was sick for some time but never told him until it was too late.” 

“Is that bag all his belongings?” Olivia asked nodding to the small duffle bag she brought in earlier. 

“Yes. Unfortunately when his mother passed their landlord cleared the apartment out quickly and Jacob was only able to save a few items. One of the boys at the group home he was in stole a lot of his clothing and I only found out on the way here so he does not have much. I’m sorry.” 

“No. It’s okay. We will take care of it and make sure he gets some new things.” Olivia said as both Jacob and Rafael walked into the room. 

“Jacob, I am needing to drive back. Are you okay?” Ms. Fields asked as he nodded back to her. 

“You have my number in case you need anything right?” She asked as she pulled him into a hug and he nodded again. 

“Mind Mr. Barba and Ms. Benson okay?” 

“I will.” 

The three of them alone in the kitchen neither knowing what to say or do until Jacob spoke.

“Um.. Mr. Barba, Ms. Benson umm… can I have a slice of pizza?” He asked and Barba smiled at him.

“Buddy you can have anything you want.” 

Both Jacob and Barba shared a slight smile and Olivia knew in that instant Jacob was Barba’s son as she watched their matching expressions and mannerisms and she especially noticed the “Barba smirk” on Jacob’s face as he and Rafael pulled the pizza boxes towards the three of them before digging into his slice. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

It didn’t take long for the pizza to be devoured and before she knew it she was ordering another large pepperoni without Barba or Jake’s knowledge. 

She knew he hadn’t been taken care of properly or well. It was obvious by the way his clothing hung off of him and the way his form seemed too thin for her liking. 

As she watched the two eat quietly and saw the way Jake eyed not only the pizza in front of him but also his surroundings as a whole she could tell he was a bit overwhelmed with everything that had taken place. 

“Jake I know this is a lot to take in but know that Rafael and myself want what’s best for you.” 

He gave her a slight smile as he looked at the last piece of pizza. She saw the internal struggle of whether or not to get it and decided to put it on his plate for him and he happily and eagerly started to eat again. Barba gave her a questioning look with a raised eyebrow and she returned it with a simple smile. He nodded, not needing a verbal explanation of her actions. 

The three of them sat together a bit longer until the second pizza arrived much to Rafael and Jake’s happiness and she excused herself to the other room to make a few calls.

“So.. Jacob.. I umm.. I’m going to do everything humanly possible to care for you. I am kind of new to this so we are going to have to learn as we go okay?” 

“Yes sir.” Jake answered and Rafael saw questions in the boys eyes that he was holding back. 

“What’s on your mind?” 

“Mr. Barba.. um..” Jake started timidly and Rafael did not press the boy as he wanted him to feel secure in whatever was on his mind. 

“Mr. Barba.. umm.. Do you think.. it’s okay if you can’t I understand.. do you think we can get me some clothes and shoes that fit?” Jake asked quietly not looking at Barba.

“It’s okay if not. I have clothes and the shoes are big so I’m sure I they will fit better soon.” 

Jake quickly added still not looking at Rafael. Barba was glad Jake did not look at him because he did not know how much longer he could hold in his anger and sadness for Jake’s situation and the way he was treated. Rafael took a deep breath to calm himself before speaking. 

“Jacob, do you want to go shopping tomorrow morning with me? There is a mall not far from here we can go to.” 

Rafael did not want the boy to be ashamed of the question. He wanted Jacob to know he could ask any question he had. Jake nodded with a smile calming both of their fears and anxiety.

“Thank you Mr. Barba,” 

“Jacob do you want to see your room and unpack and make it your own?” Rafael asked as he noticed how late it was getting. 

He did not know much about bedtimes as his usually occurred whenever he passed out from work or when Olivia made him go to sleep at a decent hour. 

“Yes sir. I uhh.. do you think I can shower and wash my clothes before I have to stay in my room? I haven’t been able to clean anything in a few weeks and I typically cleaned them when I showered since we didn’t have a washer.” 

Rafael did not know how much more his heart could break but with Jacob’s question he felt another crack form. He held back his emotions and shook his head at Jacob who immediately became sullen and stated, 

“Oh. Okay. I understand.” 

Rafael realized what Jacob thought he meant and immediately spoke before Olivia could say something. 

“Jacob, you can’t wash yourself and your clothes at the same time but if want I can wash your clothes for you while you get a shower and get settled.” 

Rafael watched as Jacob smiled at him and looked at him with red in his eyes and Rafael reached over and smothered the boys hair making both of them smile larger. 

Rafael carried the very light duffle bag and led Jacob to the spare room making a mental note to ask Liv to help with figuring out how to make the guest room more appropriate and more homey for Jacob. 

“I know it’s not the most ideal room. My mo.. It was decorated for adults so we will have to get this room turned into yours this weekend okay?” 

After he showed him the bathroom across the hall and the closet watched Jacob’s reaction to everything. Rafael saw the wonder in Jacob’s eyes as he looked at the room. He watched as Jacob looked around with wide eyes at the bed, dresser, and odd and ends throughout the room. He watched as Jacob lightly touched the bed and the blankets on top before pulling his hand away. 

“Is the room okay?” 

“So.. this .. this is all for me?” 

“The bathroom is yours and any guests so we need to keep it clean but the room, closet, and what not is yours. We can change it or -“ 

Rafael was stopped suddenly by Jacob’s arms wrapping around him. As he hugged the boy back he noticed just how thin he was and hugged him tighter thinking about what he had been through. 

“Thank you! I will keep everything clean, I promise. Thank you!” 

“Is there anything in this bag you need tonight or do you want me to wash everything?” Rafael asked as he lifted the small duffle. 

“Umm.. I need my sweatpants.” 

Jacob stated as he took the bag and gently put it on the bed. As he pulled out the items from the bag Barba noticed a few trinkets and pictures he assumed to be of Jacob and his mother. 

It wasn’t until Jacob pulled the clothing out of the bag and Barba saw just how little the boy had and how dirty his clothing was that he felt his anger swell and had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself. 

“Jacob.. would you like a clean pair of sweatpants to wear tonight?” Jacob looked at him and slowly nodded. 

“Okay. Why don’t you grab a shower and I will get you some and put these in the wash for you? I will put the pants outside the door for you to get when you are ready.” 

Jacob nodded as Barba handed him a towel and new toothbrush from the hall closet. As Jacob went to the bathroom Barba steadied himself as he took the small bundle to the washer. 

As he started the laundry he heard the shower turn on and mentally questioned just when the last time Jacob was actually cared for and made a note to let Langan know what had transpired that evening as well. 

Rafael made his way to his room to grab a items for Jacob out of the clothing pile he was planning to donate as they were a bit too small for him. 

When he entered his room he saw Olivia dozed off on his bed, fully clothed, with one of the many books from his room in her hands. 

Without waking her he grabbed the items and put them outside of the bathroom and went the living room not wanting to go to bed until he knew Jacob was okay for the night. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

Olivia found Barba in the kitchen early the following morning reading the paperwork Ms. Fields had given him the night before. 

As she stood at the entryway she noticed he was still wearing the jeans and shirt from the night before and the coffee pot was on but empty. She shook her head knowing he either stayed up all night or only grabbed a few hours of sleep on the couch. 

“Hey.” She said as she made her way to him and rested her hand on his back, standing beside him. 

“He was up a few times last night. Nothing major and didn’t even make that much noise. I think he is restless and I doubt he’s ever had his own room or even a bed before now.” Rafael said and quietly sighed as he pushed a few pages to Olivia to read. 

“This is the background Ms. Fields brought with her. I read it last night after he went to bed. You were already asleep so I stayed in the living room since I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to wake you.” 

As Olivia read the reports and looked over the other papers in the file he was reading she felt her heart not only break but also swell as she learned more about Jacob and his past. 

“It says he cared for his mother at the end. She really didn’t tell him about the cancer until it got that bad?” 

Olivia looked at Rafael with a tear in her eye. He gave her a knowing look and urged her to continue to read. 

“He’s a resourceful kid. Smart too.” Rafael added as he handed her a cup of coffee. 

“From the looks of it his mother was sick for some time but didn’t tell him until that hospital stay last winter when he found her on the floor of their one room apartment and called the police.” Rafael stated as he and Olivia shared a knowing look. 

“The report says she was trying to work and do chemo at the same time but eventually lost her job for missing too many days and that’s about the time he found out. Everything spiraled from there.. poverty.. sickness.. truancy. He would go to school then go home to be a caretaker or not even go to school.” 

They both processed everything Jacob had been through. 

“The worst part, the part that tears me up the most, is he would go days without food in order to give her what they had which was mostly water and bread or potatoes. If it wasn’t for school he wouldn't have had anything to eat most days.” Rafael said as he sat back down with her. 

The remained silent for some time as she continued to read all the documents and process just everything Jacob had been through. 

It wasn’t until they heard movement from the hallway and bathroom that they finally moved and put the papers back in the folder. They both shared a nonverbal look and communication that said they wanted him to tell them his story in his own words when he was ready, if ever. 

“Good morning Mr. Barba, Ms. Benson.” Jacob said as he sheepishly made his way to where the adults were sitting. 

Barba smiled at him and noted he was wearing his clothes that Barba had washed and placed outside his room the night prior after he went to bed. 

“Jacob, you don’t need to call me ‘Ms. Benson.’ Olivia is perfectly fine if you are comfortable with it, okay?” Olivia said lovingly to the young man as he smiled at her and nodded. 

“And if you want you can call me Barba or Rafael. No need for the ‘Mr.’” Barba added thankful that Liv had brought it up since he had no idea how to. Jacob nodded and smiled at them both. 

“Are you hungry? I can make some pancakes for all of us.” Rafael said as he watched Jacob’s eyes light up at the idea of pancakes. 

“Do you have chocolate chips?” 

“You betcha! It’s the best way to eat them!” 

Rafael urged Jacob to sit at the breakfast bar while he started to make breakfast for the three of them. 

“Well boys, I am needed at the precinct today for a bit. Will you both be okay?” 

She knew both were nervous and were using her as their crutch to help them through the situation they found themselves. Jacob looked at Barba and nodded back. 

“I took the day off so Jacob and I can spend some time together. I’m thinking of a trip to the mall this morning and possibly IKEA afterwards if you are up for it.” 

“What’s IKEA?” Jake asked confused and Rafael replied, “only the best store for everything we need to turn the guest room into YOUR room.” 

“If you guys want to wait to go to the mall and hit IKEA up first Noah and I can join you. I need to get him a few things anyway so we can tag team if you are okay with that Jake.” 

“Who is Noah?” 

“I’m so sorry! I forgot to tell you last night.. Noah is my son. He was staying with his.. grandparents last night.” 

“What do you think Jacob? Are you okay with waiting until this afternoon for the mall?” Rafael asked wanting the boy to decide and be comfortable with everything and Jacob nodded in return. 

“Rafael, umm.. do you think we can get some cheez-its while we are out?” 

Rafael looked at Jacob, caught off guard by the question but realizing what Jacob was implying. 

“Sure. Is there anything else you would like front he grocery store? I know I don’t have much snacks and food you probably like.” Rafael said as he looked at the fridge and cabinets. 

“Ravioli and Frosted Flakes are always good.” Jacob said smiling as Rafael chuckled and handed the boy a notepad. 

“Here. Write down what we need or if there’s something you like. We can pick it up while we are out.” 

He watched as Jacob struggled to only list a few items. He knew what Jacob was struggling with as he often did the same as a child when his mother would ask him if he wanted anything from the store.

“Don’t worry about money Jacob. Just list what you like. It’s okay.”

“Rafael?” Jacob asked and he turned to look at the boy as Jacob smiled a crooked grin. 

“Call me Jake.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

After what Rafael thought was a very successful trip to both IKEA and the grocery store they made their way back to the apartment. 

Rafael noted Jake stayed quiet on the ride back and as much as he hated the awkward silence in the car he hated not knowing what to say more. It was a new thing for him, silence. He had only been left speechless a few times in his life and most of which were due to Olivia and his mother. 

_ “My mother. Shit.” _ Rafael thought to himself.

He tensed up in the driver's seat as the realization he would need to call his mother to explain what was going on and what he knew. 

He knew she would be ecstatic and furious at the same time and did not want to be on the end of her rant on either. He made a mental note to call her once they arrived home before she found out on her own or made a typical unannounced visit to his apartment. 

He internally groaned at the memory of her last “pit stop” as she called as he remembered her showing up while he was mid-shower. She proceeded to want to carry on a conversation with him through the bathroom door not realizing he wasn't the only one in the shower at the time. 

It made for a very awkward conversation through the door of who he was dating and why he had not told Olivia how he felt yet which then led to a recounting of all his dating blunders over the years. 

Meanwhile Olivia was trying her best to not laugh at him as he tried to drown in sorrows under the shower head while his mother gave play-by-plays of how he should talk to her and how to interact with Noah in order to show her that he is a softy and not just el tiburon. 

He stifled a chuckle as he remembered his mother’s face when Olivia walked out of his room fully dressed with wet hair after he went to talk with her and show her out. 

He highlighted his mental note to call before she decided to show up again because he did not believe he would live to see another day if he didn’t. 

It was Jake who brought him out of his memory and thoughts when he softly spoke. 

“Mr. Barba - Rafael?” 

“What’s up” 

“What school will I go to this year?” 

Rafael internally kicked himself completely forgetting about school starting in less than a week as he had never had to think of such things beforehand. 

“That.. that is an excellent question. Umm.. do you know what grade you will be in? Ms. Fields didn’t give me any of your school information.” Rafael asked embarrassed. 

“8th. I was even on the debate team at my old middle school. Though, we didn’t do too well.” Jake said surprising Rafael. 

“Why is that?” 

“We really didn’t have anyone to teach us. Mr. Gonzales was good but he cancelled a lot of practices.” Jake answered and it made Rafael realize he never actually told Jake what he did for a living. 

“Well Jake guess what?” Rafael asked him as they parked.

“Sir?” 

“I am a lawyer and a pretty good one. I am an Assistant District Attorney. If you are wanting to stick with debate I would be happy to help you and find you a club or group even if your school doesn’t have one.” 

“That would be sick! Can I visit you at work and see the courthouse?! I want to be a judge when i grow up! My mom told me debate team would help me prepare.” Jake rambled with excitement. 

Rafael nodded and smiled as he felt his heart swell with the knowledge of Jake’s hobbies and the similarities the two had. He knew his mother would be smitten immediately once he called her. 

As they made their way through the building pushing a flat cart full of items Rafael had an idea. 

“Jake I am off the rest of the day. Do you want to go find your school and while we are at the mall with Olivia and Noah go ahead and get your school supplies?” Rafael asked and Jake smiled and nodded. 

They started to unload the new purchases in the living room as they would put everything together that evening. 

“What time do we meet Ms. Olivia?” 

“I’m not sure. Why don’t I give her a call and you can watch TV?” 

“Awesome!” Jake said as he ran to the remote flipping the TV on looking for something to watch as Rafael went towards the kitchen to call Olivia.

“Benson.” She answered tensely.

He knew she hadn’t realized who had called before she answered. 

“Hey.” He said softly hoping to make her smile. 

“Raf.. How is it going so far?” She asked with a hint of a smile in her voice making him smile back. 

“So far so good. I am pretty sure we bought IKEA out today and the living room is filled right now of boxes I need to figure out how to assemble.” 

“Barb - If you try to put everything together he will never have anything. You take FORREEEVVVERRR assembling things!” She said teasing him a bit and he rolled his eyes at her. 

“Just because i like to read all the directions prior to starting does not mean it will take a long time. I just like to be prepared.” He said curtly. 

“I will save him and myself and just put it all together when I get home tonight.” She said and he did not miss the word choice she used. 

“Home?” 

“Raf..” 

“Just think about it? I know you said you would let me know the other day but with Jake and everything I didn’t want to bring it up. But I still meant what i asked you Liv.. although we may have to look at bigger places if we do now that we have both boys to think of.” 

“I know.. Raf?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Okay. I will think about it.” 

They both shared a smile and talked a bit longer as he explained his plans for school enrollment, saving the information about clubs for later as he wanted to see her face when he told her Jake wanted to be a judge. 

“See you at 3?” 

“Sounds good. I need to call my mom and let her know what is going on so if I don’t show send the SWAT unit to find me.” He said groaning. 

“Good luck! I am sure she will be more excited for this than when she found out about us after that shower incident.” She said chuckling and he groaned in response. 

As he ended the call he checked on Jake before dialing his kryptonite, his mother. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

“Rafael, ¿qué quieres decir con que tienes un hijo?” 

Rafael could hear the frustration building in his mother's voice during the conversation and he was not able to fully explain everything to her before she cut him off. 

“Rafael Eduardo Barba you answer me this instant or I am coming over and I do not care who is there with you. Did you go and get Olivia pregnant without at least asking her to marry you first?!” She added before he could answer her back. 

Rafael took a deep breath before trying to speak. He knew she would be upset and he knew she wouldn’t let him have an easy time with explaining everything. However, he did not think the first thing she would ask would be if Olivia was pregnant. 

“Mami, Liv is not pregnant. It’s not like that.” 

He internally wished that were the case as it would much easier to explain to his mother. He took a deep breath as he started his attempt at explaining the events of the last 24 hours. He explained what he could and tried to fill in the blanks with what he had observed or heard from Jake. 

“Oh mijo… ese pobre chico.” She softly said and he could hear her voice full of emotion. 

“Mami, Jake is a great kid. Even if he is not mine I am still going to be there for him and take care of him.” Rafael fought a tear in his eye that was trying to escape. 

“Of course you will. I raised you better than the alternative.” Lucia stated pointedly. 

They talked a bit more as he explained he and Jake’s day together and the realization Jake shares quite a few similarities not only to adult Barba but also adolescent Barba. The realizations made Lucia laugh and he could hear her smile by the end of the conversation. 

“I will be there at 7. What should I bring for everyone to eat?” 

Rafael groaned at her words. He should have known the conversation went too easy. 

“Mami..” 

“Don’t you “Mami” me Rafael Eduardo. Now what should I bring for dinner? I assume Olivia and Noah will be present as well?” 

“We are going to be at the mall and school shopping so I don’t know when we will get back - “ 

“Fine. 7:30 it is. Final offer. Unless you would prefer me to come now?” She asked and he could hear the humor in her voice. 

“7:30.” He groaned. 

“Good. I figured you would want Olivia there to protect you anyway. I don’t know why you are so scared of little ole me Rafael. I’ll bring dinner.” She said as they ended the conversation. 

As he walked back to the living room he sent Liv a quick text to warn her of his mother coming by and let her know he was still alive. 

“Mami will be here at 7:30. She knows. Bring stab vest home just in case.” 

He hoped the last bit would make her chuckle as he had the feeling she was a bit stressed today. He had felt bad this morning when he called out and knew it would put her and the team in a bind if a case came up but wanted to take the day off to be with Jake. 

Thankfully no questions were asked when he made the call as he wasn’t too sure how exactly to explain his current situation. 

He checked the time as he made his way into the room noticing they would need to leave soon in order to go to the school board before it closed. 

“Jake -“ Barba started before realizing Jake had fallen asleep on the couch with of of the Avengers movies on the TV. 

Rafael leaned against the door frame and took in the picture in front of him with a soft smile. 

Jake had pulled out one of the instruction manuals for one of the many pieces of furniture they had bought that morning and was asleep holding it in his hands. Rafael took the booklet and pulled a blanket over the boys shoulders before taking a quick picture and sending it to Liv with the text. 

_ “Mall tomorrow, set up room today?”  _

Twenty minutes later she responded to his messages with a phone call and he moved to the kitchen to take it, not wanting to wake Jake. 

“Mi amor.” He softly said as he answered the call. 

He knew she was smiling without having to see her face as hearing those words made him smile just as hard. 

“I am on my way to pick up Noah. Want me to come there instead of the mall?” 

“Yeah. I don’t want to wake him. He has had a rough 24 hours and who knows when the last time he really slept was.” Rafael answered as he softly smiled as he looked into the living room at the sleeping form on the couch. 

“I’ll wake him before you get here though.” 

“How did it go with your mother?” She asked making him groan as he explained the earlier conversation. 

“Well that doesn’t sound like it went too bad Rafa.” 

“Liv she thought WE were pregnant! I call her telling her I may have a son and the first thing she thinks is I have knocked you up without taking responsibility.” 

“Rafa.. even if I was pregnant she would still love you.” 

“Oh god you are-“ 

“Rafael I am not pregnant. Just calm down. We will get through the evening and you will be back in your mother's good graces.” She said laughing at him as they ended their call for her to grab Noah and head their way. 

“Jake.. buddy..” Rafael said softly as he went to wake Jake. 

“Hmm?” 

“Olivia will be here with Noah shortly. It’s time to get up kiddo.” Rafael said as Jake nodded as he sat up stretching. 

“Sorry I ruined the afternoon by falling asleep.” Jake groggily said as he stood up and looked at Rafael. 

“Jake you didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t ruin anything. We can always go to the mall this weekend and look at schools Monday.” Rafael replied as he ruffled the boys hair smiling. 

“I know you have had a crazy few days but it may get a little crazier tonight before it calms down.” 

Rafael didn’t know how Jake would react with so many people coming by that evening. Jake looked at him puzzled. 

“Olivia is bringing Noah with her and .. and.. my mother would like to meet you tonight. She is bringing dinner for everyone.” Rafael said as he watched the boys reaction closely. 

“I have a grandmother?” Jake asked with a light in his eye and Barba nodded. 

“Yes and she is excited to get to know you.” 

The two shared a smile and Rafael pulled Jake into a hug and kissed the top of his head. 

“Now.. why don’t we try to work our way through this before everyone gets here?” 

Rafael pointed to the stack of boxes for a desk, chairs, and a few odd and ends. Jake nodded and the two pulled out the first instruction booklet taking turns studying it as the other verified all the pieces were present before they attempted to actually put anything together. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

When she picked up Noah she explained to him his Rafa had another young man staying with him and that he would be taking care of him. 

Noah hadn’t asked many questions and remained silent in the back seat longer than Olivia ever knew existed. Noah was usually bubbly and would talk her ear off about his day and his friends however, today he was uncharacteristically quiet. 

“Is Rafa going to be Jake’s daddy like you are my mommy and like Billy’s daddy and mommy are to him?”

His question caught her off guard and Liv had to take a step back and think through the question before answering. Noah was smart and would figure things out whether she told him or not so she figured it was best to tell him as much as she could while still keeping it relatively vague. 

“Noah, Jake’s mommy is in heaven now so Rafa is going to take care of him like I take care of you or like Billy’s mommy and daddy take care of Billy.” 

Liv didn’t know if Noah fully understood what she was vaguely telling him as she did not want to completely say “yes” to Rafael being Jake’s “daddy” until both Jake and Rafael were comfortable with everything. 

She also knew Rafael would want to explain everything himself to everyone before Noah did so as he was not one to keep things a secret for very long, especially with his Uncle Fin and Uncle Munch. 

Olivia arrived at Barba’s apartment forty minutes later thanks to afternoon traffic arriving to a chaotic nightmare. 

Sometime since speaking with him he had arranged for most of the furniture previously occupying the spare room to be picked up for storage and he and Jake had managed to spread every instruction manual out throughout the apartment. 

“Hello?” She called out as her and Noah walked fully into the apartment. 

She passed by a group of the movers picking up what looked to be furniture that used to be in Jake’s room.

“Olivia?” Jake asked as he came around the corner from his bedroom. 

“Hey Jake!” 

She had to smile as she saw him fully. His hair was mused, he had a slight Barba-esk grin plastered on his face, and was wearing one of Rafael’s old shirts with his basketball shorts he brought with him. 

“Jake I would like you to meet Noah. Noah say hi.” Olivia said as she moved Noah in front of her. 

“Hi Noah!” 

He went to give Noah a high-five causing Noah to smile at him feeling a bit more comfortable. She was surprised at Noah’s shyness as he usually wasn’t afraid of meeting people or talking.

As the three of them finished introductions Rafael walked out of the back bedrooms and Olivia had to hold back a smile and laugh as she saw him. 

He and Jake were pretty much matching with the exception of their clothing. Rafael’s hair was without product and was messy and he held the same grin as Jake. 

“Rafa!!!” Noah squealed when he finally saw his favorite person. 

“Hey buddy!” 

Rafael went to give Noah a hug and ruffled his hair as he picked him up and went to hang him upside down causing Noah to burst into a fit of giggles. 

Olivia rolled her eyes at their usual shenanigans and looked over at Jake. She saw he was a bit uncomfortable and was looking at random things trying to distance himself from the situation. 

“Hey Jake.. why don’t you show me what you guys picked up today. Let’s let these two be monkeys for a minute.” She said as he nodded and led her to the room, passing more boxes as they went. 

“I think you guys bought out the store Jake!” 

Olivia laughed as he finished showing her the different pieces they were working on before her and Noah arrived. 

“He was letting me read the instructions and help him put the pieces together!” 

She had only met one other person who became that excited over instruction manuals and he was currently hanging her 5 year old upside down making monkey noises in the living room. 

“Do you want me to help you with putting some of these together? I am pretty good at it.” 

“Umm.. sure..” 

She could sense his hesitation and that he didn’t want to tell her “no.” 

“Jake.. you can say ‘no.’ It’s okay. You won’t make me mad or hurt my feelings.” She said as she saw the tension leave his shoulders. 

“It’s just.. We had a good system down and .. uhh..” 

“You would rather Rafa be in here with you?” She asked and he nodded as a slight smile crossed his face before dissolving. 

“What’s on your mind Jake?”    


Olivia sensed something was on his mind and sat on a new bean bag chair she figured was where Rafael or Jake was sitting earlier before they arrived. Jake didn’t look at her and instead played with the screwdriver sitting on the half completed bed. 

“I don’t want to impose .. umm.. You guys already have a family and I am ruining it. He was so different with Noah.. I.. I want that.” Jake said as she heard him sniffle and rub his nose and eye quickly trying not to let her see him cry. 

Olivia’s heart broke and she knew he was desperately wanting his “dad” and he was wanting to be with him and be part of their “family” as Jake saw it. 

“Jake, look at me.” Liv said as she stood up in front of him. 

“Rafael adores you and is wanting you to be here. We all want you to be here. He just doesn't know how to do those things with you yet. Trust me.. He will be monkeying around with you in no time.. Why don’t Noah and I work on clearing out these boxes and you and your da-Rafa can put us to work on what you are needing before Ms. Lucia gets here in a few hours?” Olivia asked as Jake smiled brightly nodding. 

“Okay. Why don’t you take a few minutes and I’ll wrangle the zoo in the living room?” She asked and both of them laughed a bit. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:**

The night went better than anyone expected and Lucia made sure to let both Noah and Jake know their Abuela would always be there to get them out of trouble as well as get into trouble with them. 

As Lucia and Jake were going head-to-head at a game of very intense Scrabble and Noah was engrossed in the newest episode of his favorite show Olivia took the opportunity to steal Rafael away to talk with him about Jake. 

She had mentioned to Lucia when she arrived she needed to speak with Rafael about Jake and the situation privately so when she went to the kitchen to get him the two ladies shared a simple nod and smile. 

Lucia knew Liv was Rafa’s world and knew she was trying to help him figure out fatherhood so she was not concerned for what two were discussing. Instead she continued trying to out outwit a very intelligent 13 year old who she knew was not only the spitting image of Rafael but also the mental duplicate of the son she loved. 

She had seen Rafael with Noah plenty of times and knew the two of them were thick as thieves. She knew it must be tough on Noah having to suddenly share time with Rafael and Olivia. 

She also knew her son did not fully know how to interact with Jake yet. Sure he had done very well with putting together Jake’s room and furniture and both boys were very Type-A, intellectually led individuals so their conversations were easy but she knew Jake was craving more and knew Rafael did not know what to do in such uncharted territory with Jake. 

She hoped Olivia was pulling Rafael back to not only discuss his abilities but also to help him understand both situations and be able to work through them together. 

“What’s wrong Liv?” Rafael asked as they made their way to his bedroom after she pulled him from the dishes. 

“Rafa we need to talk and this is the best time. Noah is watching TV and your mom is with Jake.” Olivia said pointedly as he looked at her confused. 

“Okay… Is there something wrong? Did I do something to upset you?” 

He was not sure of what was happening or if he did anything to upset her. Olivia shook her head and began recapping her earlier conversation with Jake. 

“Rafa.. he needs you. He is desperately wanting to be with you and do things with you. He wants to feel like he belongs somewhere and belong to you.” Olivia stated almost pleading at him to realize the importance of the situation. 

“Liv, I am trying. This is new to me. I’ve known Noah since you brought him home but I have only known Jake a day. I am trying to learn how to interact with him. Interactions with Noah come easy.. He’s 5! All I have to do is make funny noises or build legos with him. With Jake.. I don’t know.” Rafael started as he paced his room. 

“Conversations are so easy with him.. And Liv we just click so well..” He stated as he turned from her looking at the ceiling. 

“But?” 

“It’s so different. We have a lot of things in common but it’s like neither of us know exactly what to do or say to the other.” 

“Rafael he is 13 and you guys just met, it will take some time. But you, and I, can’t forget that he is not used to our lives. We can’t forget to include him and we can’t forget that while we are learning how to parent him he is also learning how to be parented by us and is learning how to have not only a new family but also a father.” 

Barba’s eye’s snapped up to her when he heard her words. The words were drumming in his head as she continued.

“Rafa.. you are his father. Your mother knows it, I know it, and you know it. There is no DNA test in the world that will say otherwise.” 

Rafael looked up at the ceiling with red eyes before taking a deep breath and nodded. 

“Let’s get back in there to our boys before your mother tries to talk to us through a door again.” Liv whispered before he pulled her into a deep kiss. 

“Gracias mi amor. Tú eres mi luz.” 

“So who won?” Olivia asked as the two of them returned to the living room to find Lucia, Jake, and Noah watching TV together. The two women shared a smile and a knowing nod. 

“I regret to inform you Rafael that I have kept my winning streak alive.” Lucia stated with pride as Rafael rolled his eyes as Olivia laughed. 

“She took me out with “Zebras” on a triple word and triple letter!” Jake said excitedly before saying, “I’ve never seen anyone do that before!” 

Both Rafael and Olivia laughed and Rafael shook his head at both Jake and his mother. 

“Don’t worry bud, she will continue to do it!” 

“How many times has she beaten you Rafa?” Jake asked causing Rafael to groan loudly while Lucia and Olivia both laughed. 

“Lets just say he has never beaten me Jake.” Lucia stated as she patted Rafael’s shoulder as she grabbed her purse. 

“Rafa I expect brunch will be Sunday still?” Lucia asked without allowing him a chance to answer before she smiled at the two younger boys and kissed Jake and Noah’s cheeks. 

“Jake they have pancakes to die for! Noah here tries to eat them all.” She said making Noah laugh before giving everyone a hug as she walked towards the door with Rafael. 

“Rafa.. that boy is wonderful. Take good care of him and listen to Liv.” She said as she kissed his cheek and he gave her a questioning look. 

“She is good for you. Don’t take too long or I will ask her for you.” Rafael groaned as he gave her a kiss goodbye before joining his growing family in the living room. 

“Well boys I think it’s time for Noah and I to head out as well.” Olivia said after the four of them worked on another piece of Jake’s room. 

Slowly the room was transforming from an adult-style guest room with a few things for Noah when they would stay to a 13 year-olds room with a bunk and area for Noah to have his things and to sleep. As the group looked around the room she could see Jake smiling at his room.

“Not staying tonight?” Rafael asked as the two of them walked into the other room, leaving the boys in the bedroom. 

“Not tonight Rafa. You two need time with just the two of you. Talk to him. He wants to talk to you and will open up to you if you let him.” Olivia stated as she leaned into him planting a kiss to his lips. 

“Mi amor.” He stated before kissing her back. 

“Why don’t you take him to the new arcade or to do something with just the two of you. Show him you are the father he wants you to be and who I know you are.” 

He nodded and sighed as he leaned down for another kiss wishing she was there to help him learn what to do so he didn’t feel so lost.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

Once Olivia and Noah left there was an eerie silence that fell on the apartment as neither Jake nor Rafael knew what to say or do now that it was just the two of them. Both of them were very similar but did not know how to break the ice and move past acquaintances and start being father and son. 

It didn’t take long before the two of them had made their way back to Jake’s room to finish the last pieces of furniture as that was where they felt comfortable and where they both knew interactions came easy. 

They finished Jake’s bed and started to hang a few things on the walls before moving to the last of the unfinished furniture. As they both started to work on Jake’s new desk Rafael felt a sense of courage and decided to try to open up to Jake and try to break the ice fully. 

“So.. Jake.. what kinds of things do you like to do for fun?” Rafael asked trying to get ideas of something to do with him outside of putting furniture together. 

“Umm.. I really like books. I would bring a lot of books home from school and mom would have me read to her when she didn’t feel good.” Jake said as he looked at Rafael and smiled. 

“Want to know my favorite book?” Jake asked and Rafael nodded and smiled back at him. 

“I really love  _ The Lord of the Rings _ . Tolkien is by far my favorite author! Although… Steinbeck is a close second. Their works really make you forget what is around you and I would get lost in them for days.” 

“I haven’t read Steinbeck in a long time. I used to read them when I was your age too. Want to know something else?” Rafael asked and Jake looked at him curiously. 

“I have never read  _ The Lord of the Rings.”  _

“What?!” 

Jake looked at Rafael baffled and Raf could only chuckle at the look the boy was giving him. Jake smirked and shook his head in disbelief at what he had just heard.

“You’ve never read it?! I read it to mom and would make all the voices. You are missing out!!” Jake said and Rafael laughed at Jake’s response and had an idea. 

“How about we pick you up a set this evening and you can read it to me and make all the voices you want.” Rafael said and Jake’s head snapped up to him and nodded while his face was beaming in happiness. 

The two continued their conversation about books and swapped stories of their favorites. Rafael was surprised to know just how extensive Jake’s reading list was and he looked forward to sharing a few of his favorites with him. Between the two they each had a few recommendations for the other and had made a reading list the other needed to read. 

After a while the conversation died down and a quiet set across the room. Neither wanted to break the spell they were under and both were enjoying the others company. However, Rafael knew he needed to talk to Jake about the past and needed to talk to Jake about what he and Liv had spoken of earlier. 

“Jake..” Rafael started to say but didn’t know exactly how to phrase what he wanted to say. 

“Jake… I never want you to forget your mom or want you to feel you can’t talk about her okay?” 

They both stopped working on the desk and looked at each other. Jake felt his heart seize at the mention of his mother and Rafael saw the look on the boys face as it did. 

He knew this would not be an easy conversation but he also knew the two of them needed to have so he continued hoping Jake would open up with him like he had done with Liv earlier. 

“I know I wasn’t there for you or for your mother and I am sorry. I wish I knew, I wish you and I had met long before now Jake. You are a great kid and I promise you Jacob I will give you my last breath making up for these last 13 years.” 

Rafael’s eyes met Jake’s as he spoke and the air in the room became thick with emotion as he continued. 

“I just want you to know it doesn’t matter to me what the DNA test states. I will ALWAYS be here and will ALWAYS be there for you Jacob.” 

Both he and Jake had a tear slip down their cheeks as they stared at each other for a few minutes. Rafael pulled Jake into a tight hug that both needed and Rafael felt Jake’s shoulders relax as he held him. 

“Jake..” Rafael started to say as they pulled away and Jake wiped his eyes nonchalantly. 

“Jake I never want you to feel that you are a burden and I never want you to feel out of place. You are here for good and I want you to feel that you are a part of my life just as much as I am a part of yours.” Rafael stated and both of them shared a smile.

“If you are uncomfortable with something or you ever need anything whether it be something small or large you just need to let me know okay?” 

Jake nodded in response as a small smile formed on his face. Rafael pulled him into another hug and Jake hugged him back in what Rafael felt was the first REAL hug Jake had given him since he arrived. 

“I know we are still getting used to each other and I know seeing how I was with Noah probably hurt a little right?” Rafael asked knowingly and Jake looked at the floor and slightly nodded. 

“Tell me what you are thinking.” Rafael stated urging Jake to talk to him. 

“I uhh.. I was jealous of Noah. I am jealous of how you are with him compared to with me.” Jake said shyly still looking at the floor and his hands. 

Rafael closed his eyes for a second not realizing just how much Jake needed him until then. Sure Olivia had let him know about their conversation earlier but hearing it from Jake hit home and hurt his heart and soul. 

“Noah will never take your place or make me ever forget about you.” Rafael started as he went to meet Jake’s eyes fully once again. 

“I have known Noah since Olivia brought him home and sometimes we get a little goofy and forget about everyone and everything around us. I’m sorry I hurt you earlier when Noah and I were hanging out and goofing off. But Jake.. that is something Noah and I do and it is a way we spend time together just the two of us. I promise you that you and I will have our own thing we do that Noah and Liv aren’t a part of as well.” 

Rafael hoped that Jake understood that he would make time for him just as he does for Noah. 

“Really? Just the two of us?” Jake asked as he looked up at Rafael. 

“Promise. I do animals and legos with Noah because that is what he likes to do with me but you and I can do things you like to do and that can be our time whenever we want it.” Rafael stated and both of them shared a smile. 

Rafael could see some of the stress and tension leave the boy’s body as he relaxed a bit. 

“Rafa?” Jake asked with a hint of questioning in his voice. 

“Hm?” 

“I like Legos too.. Think I can join you guys sometime?” Jake asked smiling and Rafael just laughed and messed his hair causing both of them to chuckle. 

“Jake, you can join us anytime.. Just don’t try to outsmart Noah at animals or we will both be stuck for hours.” 

Their conversation continued as they finished the desk and cleaned up their mess. They talked about the things they could do together, just the two of them, and also about the things they liked. They agreed to have “book nights” and chess matches while also leaving the option open to see the upcoming Comic-Con or a play once in a while. Rafael was surprised to learn that Jake liked the theater and as they talked about the different shows he made a mental note to ask Carmen to help get tickets for Hamilton. 

“Rafa.. do you think we could talk about my mom?” Jake asked as they took the last of the boxes out and Rafael was a bit surprised at the question. 

“Sure bud.. But I don’t really know too much so you will have to help me out a bit.”

“Mom mentioned you a few times growing up, not too much and never told me who you were, but she did let me know some things when I would ask about who my father was.” Jake said and Rafael was shocked at the knowledge. 

“Your mother was a really sweet woman when I knew her Jake. I do remember her spunkiness and how she would often sing as she walked down the street.” Rafael stated and Jake laughed at the knowledge. 

“Yea.. she always would sing and dance around the house even when we didn’t have power she would try to make it okay by singing showtunes.” Jake stated as he laughed at the memory. 

The knowledge of them not having power was not lost on Rafael’s mind as they made their way back to their apartment. 

“I remember one time, around Father’s Day, when I asked about you and she told me you guys met at a conference or something and how she originally thought you were a short-tempered, crazy guy who always had to be right.” Rafael chuckled at the information and continued the conversation as they made their way back to the apartment. 

“She told me you were a good guy and said you didn’t know about me and would apologize a lot about it at the end.. It’s like she felt she disappointed me which she never did.. I was just upset and didn’t mean to be mad at her about it.” Jake said softly and Rafael looked at him sadly at the mention of his mother’s illness. 

“I said some things Rafa.. I didn’t mean to but I was so mad when she told me she was sick and that it was too late to help her. I was so scared I was going to loose her and that I hadn’t met you yet.” Jake said as his words filled with emotions. 

Rafael let him continue without stopping him. He could sense there was a lot more Jake was holding in and did not want to interrupt or stop him from being able to express what he was thinking or going through. 

“I miss her and wish she could be here to see us.. She would be so happy knowing I am here and knowing I am safe.. I just miss her, ya know?” 

As Jake talked Rafael heard the weariness and emotions in his voice, making it crack. Rafael didn’t say anything as he knew this was the beginning of Jake allowing all his emotions he hadn’t let be released out finally. 

“I just want my mom back Rafa.. I want her here to help me put my room together and here to let me read to her and ..” Jake said as tears slipped his eyes once more and before he completely broke down. 

Rafael was able to catch him and held him as they sat on the kitchen floor allowing Jake to let everything out he had bottled up for so long. 

They remained on the floor through the tears, through the comforts, and it wasn’t until Jake was fast asleep from emotional exhaustion did Rafael move them both. He carried Jake to his bed before going back to the living room to call Olivia to thank her for knowing they needed time tonight. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

The rest of the weekend went relatively easy with Rafael and Jake staying in due to continuous downpours outside. Olivia and Noah had visited a few times but had not stayed at Rafael’s since Jake’s first night at home and as much as he hated sleeping alone he was grateful for the time with Jake. 

Even though she was not actually at the apartment they stayed in constant contact through text messages and late night calls. It was during one of those late night calls she had let him know she had reached out to Melinda and Langan about the situation and both were wanting to help. 

She also let him know she had called Carmen and explained, in a short sense, what had happened so she would not be blindsided come Monday. As much as Rafael disliked Langan he knew he was the best family lawyer they knew and was glad for the partnership.

“Thank you mi amor.” Rafael stated as she explained Langan would be by Rafael’s office the next day to go over everything and get the ball rolling. 

“I know you are not his biggest fan Rafa but he is the best.” 

“I know. I just feel like he secretly wants to marry you or something.” Rafael stated bluntly and he swore he could hear Olivia’s eyes roll while she laughed. 

“Rafa I think that is the least of your problems! Plus.. I think I have enough lawyers in my personal business don’t you?” She said cheekly and he let a slight grin go across his face as he responded. 

“Damn right. Although, I think your lawyer may need to invade your personal business a bit more in order to truly be able to answer that question.” 

“Rafael Eduardo Barba!” Olivia gasped as they both laughed. 

“Anyway Counselor.. I called in a favor and had it arranged for Melinda to take care of the DNA tests for you and to keep it under wraps for privacy for you and Jake. She said she could do it tomorrow morning and hopefully get the results back within a few days.” Olivia stated trying to change the subject back to a more PG conversation. 

“Looks like Jake and I will be having a busy Monday. We are stopping by the school board as well tomorrow to get him enrolled.” 

As they stayed on the phone both Olivia and Rafael continued to talk about their boys, their situation, and their relationship.

“Liv..” 

“I know Rafa.. but do you think this is the right time? Jake just moved in and -”

“-Liv just because Jake is here does not mean we can’t live together.” He stated bluntly not allowing her to finish her sentence. 

“I just don’t want to overwhelm him, or us, Rafa.” She stated as he felt his frustration growing. 

“Olivia. I am not asking for us to move across the country or world. I am asking for us to move in together. We pretty much live together already. These few days apart have been the longest time sleeping alone since our first few months of dating over a year ago.” 

Olivia could hear the frustration in his voice as the conversation continued. 

“Rafa it’s just..” 

“No Liv. It’s nothing. It’s simple. Either you do or you don’t. That’s it. There is no in between. I thought we were on the same page about this but I guess we aren’t.” Rafael stated a bit more snarkier than he meant to and wanted to shoot himself in the foot once he did. 

“Rafael. You know I do. However, I also know the situation and needs of our family have changed since we first talked about this. I am not going to discuss this with you when you are this snarky or when you are upset. When you decide to lay off the caffeine and be a bit more human and a lot less robotic let me know.” 

The phone went quiet and neither wanted to speak as they were both getting more frustrated by the minute. She was upset at his snarkiness and the exaggerated sassiness and he was getting frustrated at her not actually wanting to have the conversation. 

“I love you. Good night, Rafael.” 

When Olivia got off the phone Rafael was mentally exhausted and confused on what had just taken place. However, he knew she was right and this was not the time or the place to further discuss the issue as they were both tired. 

Plus he felt it was best to have such a conversation in person and added it to his “to-do” list for the following day. 

As Monday morning came his mood from the day prior was still present and as much as he didn’t mean to be short with everyone he was. However, it seemed, while he was short and had a shorter patience level than normal, Jake was the only one he was not taking his mood out on that morning. 

As the two of them made their way to Rafael’s office, after a quick stop at Melinda's office, the two shared a few laughs and smiles about books, games, and the stories Melinda was telling them about Olivia. 

After stopping for a much needed coffee, orange juice, and a pair of muffins for them both, at Jake’s insistence that he actually eat something other than a coffee bean, they were finally making their way into the court house.

“Why is everyone staring at us?” 

“They usually don’t see me with anyone but Olivia and occasionally Noah. I am sure they are trying to figure out who you are and why you are with me.” 

Jake looked around cautiously and nervously before speaking.

“If they ask what will you tell them?”

Before Rafael could answer Langan greeted them at the door ending their conversation earlier than Rafael wanted it to end. 

“Barba.” He stated as the two shook hands while Barba placed a protective hand on Jake’s shoulder. 

“And you must be Jacob.” 

He went to give Jake a high-five. Jake cautiously greeted the man and looked to Rafael for comfort as he did not know who the other man was. Rafael nodded to him in assurance and Jake returned the high-five with a smile. 

The three walked into Rafael’s office and as Jake entered he was in awe. He had never seen so many law review books or resources in one place before and as the two older men talked quietly he looked around at the books and items on the walls. 

He remembered Rafael telling him he was a lawyer and about his office but to see it in person really allowed him to understand just how powerful and good Rafael was. Jake was eyeing a few awards on a shelf as Rafael called his name. 

“Jake.. I need to talk to Mr. Langan. Do you mind hanging with Carmen for a bit? I think she is going to hit up the library if you want to help her look for a few things.” Rafael stated as Jake noticed the young lady standing by the door. 

“Hey Jake!” She said as she smiled at him. 

“Sure.. umm.. Maybe I can look at some books while we are there.” Jake said nervously but understood the two men needed to talk. 

“Don’t worry.. I know they BEST ice cream and pizza place in town and it’s next to the coolest book and game store in town.” Carmen whispered to him while Rafael was distracted. 

Jake beamed at her as they both figured out their game plan for being out of the office longer than normal before saying their goodbyes to the two men eyeing each other down in Rafael’s office. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12:**

Barba and Langan spent the next hour and a half discussing Jake and the information Langan was able to get sent to him from child services early that morning. 

The more they discussed Jake’s involvement with child services the more both men saw red and the more they disagreed on what avenue to take going forward. 

“Barba you can’t go at them like that.” Langan said as Barba glared him down. 

“Why the hell not?! Jake has been in foster care for months longer than they said AND they never tried to look for me UNTIL these papers showed up!” Barba all but shouted as he leaned against his desk. 

“Trevor.. they were going to let him sit in some group home thinking he had no one, that he had no family.” 

Barba looked up at the man with fire in his eyes while he continued to lean over his desk. Both men eyed each other and, as much as they did not care for each other, both came to a mutual understanding they would jointly work to help Jake and to make sure he stayed with Rafael, permanently. 

“What do we do now?” 

“Well..” Langan started. 

“First, we need those DNA results but in the meantime I will file a motion to move the hearings to our court as this is where Jake lives and where you live.” 

“What do you need me to do?” 

Rafael knew family court was not his expertise and relied on Langan to guide this case. 

“If he isn’t enrolled in school we need to get that done today. Also, has he seen any therapist or doctors since getting to the city?” Langan asked and Barba shook his head kicking himself for not thinking of doing such beforehand. 

“They didn’t give me anyone and he just arrived Thursday.” Barba stated and he could see the frustration on Langan face. 

“I know a good therapist who I have used in other custody hearings. I will give her a call and see if she can see Jake in the next few days. At least to help us get an understanding and a baseline on his needs, if any. The fact they didn’t set anything up for you from the beginning is a concern and I will make sure the court is notified as well.” 

Langan and Barba shared a nod while the former dialed the number and left a voicemail for the therapist. 

“I planned to get him enrolled in school today. They gave me very limited paperwork for him so I hope the school won’t give us too many problems. I hadn’t thought of doctors or anything yet.” Barba stated and Langan nodded and jotted the information down. 

“Talk to Olivia about who she uses for Noah. Let’s get him established somewhere. That way we can show he is in a stable home and you are caring for him.”

Barba jotted notes and memos down on his ever growing to-do list as Langan spoke. As Langan rattled off items they needed or things he needed to do for Jake he scribbled it down hoping he would be able to read his shorthanded notes that evening when he spoke with Olivia about everything. 

As the two continued to get their game-plan prepared and continued to get their respective to-do lists together there was a knock on the office door. 

When Olivia and Melinda walked in the office they had to take in the scene in front of them. Both Barba and Langan were standing at the table deep in paperwork and files, both had ditched their respective jackets, loosened their ties, and rolled their sleeves. Rafael stood with his hands on his hips looking at a file Langan held and jotted a few more notes down as they spoke.

Olivia could see the coffee pot was almost empty so she assumed they had been going at it for a while and smiled at both as she approached the two making them both jolt out of their focuses and Olivia assumed neither had heard the knock. 

“Liv, nice to see you.” Langan said as he went to give her a quick hug with Barba glaring at him from behind, making Olivia smirk. 

“You too Trevor. Thank you for helping with this.” 

She moved to give Barba a hug and a quick kiss and felt his hand rest on her hip protectively as everyone realized Melinda was also there. 

“Doc..” Rafael nervously said as all eyes rested on her. 

“Thanks to the dozen calls and numerous text messages I received from a certain family court lawyer..” Melinda started and all eyes landed on Langan who took that moment to check his phone. 

”I was able to get your results rushed for you Barba.” Melinda stated and Barba felt the wind leave his body at her words. 

“Is Jake here?”

“No. I had Carmen spend the day with him under the notion I needed something from the law library. I think I heard them say something about ice creams and video games as they were leaving. I gave her my credit card and told her to keep him busy until we were done. Last message I got said they were at some new bookstore at the mall so I am sure I am out a few hundred by now.” Rafael said as everyone smirked knowing he was right due to how much Jake loved books. 

Melinda spent the next few minutes explaining the lab processes and how she had ran the results and had a partner run them as well as a second verification. 

The nervousness in the room grew the longer it took for Melinda to tell them the results. Barba couldn’t speak or say anything as he felt like his lungs didn’t work and his heart was beating out of his chest at the nervousness and anxiety within him. 

“Rafael Barba, Jacob Scott Anderson is your biological son.” Melinda stated without any wavering in her voice. 

Rafael sat suddenly at the news and before anyone could say anything to him his hands found his face and tears left his eyes. 

“Mi hijo. Él es mi hijo. Dios mío, tengo un hijo.” 

Everyone stayed quiet for a few minutes allowing him the time to process the information. When he looked up at everyone after a few minutes his red, emerald green eyes locked on Langan’s.

“Gloves are off. I want my son. Permanently.” Barba stated very matter of factly as the two men shared a knowing nod. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13:**

As they finished getting Jake enrolled in school Rafael knew he needed to let Jake know that he truly was his father, not just someone asked to take care of him. Rafael knew Jake had a right to know but he didn’t know how to actually tell him and was anxious the conversation which he knew was crazy. 

As the two of them walked the halls of Jake’s new school and found his locker Rafael couldn’t help but be nervous at their upcoming conversation. 

_ “How is it I can walk in a courtroom or a meeting and win with very little ease but I can’t talk to a 13 year old, my 13 year old.”  _

Rafael still couldn’t believe Jake was his actual, biological son. The whole ordeal was surreal to him. He was sad and angry he never knew about Jake before now but he was grateful for the opportunity to be there for him now. 

Rafael smiled as he watched the excitement on Jake’s eyes as he not only saw his school but also met with his upcoming teachers and spoke with a few young men who were in the library.

While Jake and Rafael made their way back from Jake’s middle school Jake excitedly talked to him about the things he saw, did, and learned during their short visit. Rafael could only chuckle and think to himself that Jake was definitely his son as he used to do the same when his mother would take him or orientation before school started. 

As Jake continued to chatter on about the differences between his new school and the ones he was in previously Rafael couldn’t help but steer them towards the part and towards a bench along the patch. 

He didn’t know if Jake even realized they were no longer walking towards the apartment or not as he continued to tell Rafael about his teachers and classes forgetting he was there with him the whole time. 

“Jake, have a seat bud.” Rafael stated during one of the very brief moments Jake had stopped talking. 

“Raf.. I can’t believe I’m going to that school!” Jake stated excitedly as he dropped on the bench beside Rafael and all either could do was chuckle at the excitement Jake had for school. 

“I remember when I was your age, and even when I was older, being so excited about my new classes, new supplies, and the different, but new, books to read. School was my way of forgetting everything bad I had ever dealt with and it was always a constant no matter what else was going on around me.” Rafael stated and Jake looked at him as he talked. 

Rafael knew his words were a bit deep and didn’t mean to completely turn their lighthearted chatter to something more serious but he wanted to talk to Jake about the DNA results. 

“Jake do you remember meeting Dr. Warner and Mr. Langan this morning?” Rafael asked and Jake shook his head in acknowledgement. 

“Well they are going to be working with you and I, and Olivia, to help make sure you can stay with me, Olivia, and Noah.”

“Dr. Warner did the DNA test didn’t she?” 

Rafael nodded his head and swallowed the large lump in his throat that had formed. 

“Jake, Dr. Warner came by my office while you and Carmen were out and we talked about us and whether or not you are my son.” Rafael started. 

“Jake, she .. she uhh.. she gave me this.” Rafael stated as he pulled out an envelope from his inner pocket of his jacket. 

He handed it to Jake and stayed quiet while Jake’s shaky hands opened the envelope with a tenderness Rafael had never seen before. Neither spoke for a few moments while Jake pulled out the papers and looked at them.

“Jake, Dr. Warner found that you are my biological son. I am your father Jacob Scott Anderson.” 

Rafael’s eyes began to water and when Jake looked up at him with the same after looking at the papers both grabbed each other, pulling the other into a tight embrace while they both let their tears fall freely. 

“You are my son, my mijo, Jake. I promise you I will never go anywhere, mijo.” Rafael whispered into Jake’s ear as the two continued to embrace. 

He felt Jake gripping the back of his shirt tighter as his small tears turned into sobs at the realization he belonged somewhere. 

He was not alone in this world. 

He had never been alone. 

He had found his place.

He had found his home. 

Rafael held Jake and allowed him to calm down on his own, not wanting to stop his emotions from releasing as he knew the boy had held them in long enough. He felt a wave of relaxation and easiness wash over him and Jake as he felt both of them relax into each other’s embraces. 

It wasn’t until Jake pulled away and wiped his face that Rafael continued to talk. 

“Mr. Langan is going to work with me to make sure you stay with me permanently. He is a great lawyer who will be talking with you a lot over these next few weeks or months as we get everything handled.” Rafael stated and Jake looked at him questioning. 

“What’s wrong?” He as he saw Jake’s face turn to pure confusion. 

“I thought you were a lawyer. One that always wins and gets what he wants. That’s what Carmen told me today.” 

Jakes question caused Rafael to smirk and chuckle making the boy do the same. 

“I am. However, I am a prosecutor. This type of law is not my forte and I wanted the best. Sometimes it’s not about how good you are. Sometimes it’s about making sure you have the best support system behind you to help you achieve your goals and you Jake..” Rafael stated as he put his hand on Jake’s shoulder. 

“You Jake. You being with me and being a permanent part of my family is the goal right now.” Rafael stated as both shared a smile. 

Rafael pulled him into his shoulder and ruffled his hair as they both felt at peace for the first time in a long time. 

“What about Olivia and Noah?” Jake asked as they made their way back to the apartment.

“What about them?” Rafael replied as he glanced at Jake while they walked in unison. 

“Can they be part of our family too?” 

“Working on that mijo.” 

As they continued to walk Rafael chuckled and made a mental note to pay more attention to what Jake and his Abuela talked about during Scrabble games. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:**

“Rafael, we need to talk to Noah about Jake.” Liv said as the two shared a short phone call a few weeks later. 

Jake had been with him for a few weeks and while he hated it, he and Liv had somehow ended up spending less and less time together outside of work. Neither meant for it to happen but with Rafael getting everything set up for Jake, the ongoing and never ending cases, and meetings with Langan they had both relied on phone calls and text messages for contact. 

“He seems to be doing well with Jake so far.” Rafael replied as he shuffled through the files on his desk looking for the particular item she originally called him for. 

“Ah, got it!” He stated as he found the court summaries of their suspects past indiscretions. 

“Raf, I am being serious. I need you to actually listen.” 

“I’m listening, Liv.” Rafael stated as he sat and continued to shuffle through the papers while he was on the phone with her.

“Noah and Jake get along well now but Noah is 5. He has never had to share either one of us before and I worry about him.” 

Rafael rubbed his face ad groaned while she continued. He knew she wouldn’t let him get out of the conversation and whether he wanted to or not they were going to talk about it. 

“You and I both know that he can handle a lot but I still think we need to talk to him about who Jake is and help him understand that just because Jake is with us now it does not mean we are replacing him or forgetting him.” Olivia said and he knew she was right. 

“Rafael, do you want to know what Noah asked me last night during bedtime?” 

Before he could say anything or even think of a response she continued. 

“He asked me if you loved Jake more than him since you haven't seen him in a few days and you did not show for pasta night this week. He asked if he made you upset with him or if you were not his amigo anymore because you had a new amigo and didn’t need him anymore.” 

Rafael felt his heart break as he let out a sigh. He and Noah had become best friends over the last few years and he really loved the boy. He stayed quiet as he let her words sink in before he started to talk. 

“How do you want to do this?” 

He was not entirely sure how to approach the subject or how to have the conversation with Noah. 

“By doing what you do best Counselor. Talk.” Olivia stated making both of them chuckle. 

“Why don’t you grab Noah from school and I’ll pick up Jake. It will give both of us time with each of them and allow you and Noah some one-on-one time.”

They talked for a few more minutes before they each went back to their respective stacks of paperwork on their own desks before having to pick up their boys later that afternoon.

A few hours later, as he walked back into his office after an impromptu meeting with the DA regarding Jake and the situation, he stopped at Carmen’s desk. 

“Thank you for the other day. I really appreciated it.” He stated surprising her with the genuineness in his voice. 

“It was not a problem at all Mr. Barba. Jake is a great young man. I am happy to help.” 

I do not know what you guys did but he talked about it for the entire night. He made a point to tell me that you now have a standing day out with each other. Thank you for helping.” 

They shared smile and he felt odd having this conversation with Carmen. He knew she was amazing and knew she would do anything for him or Olivia but he rarely let anyone see this side of him. 

“Next time let's not let him spend $400 at the bookstore though.”

They both smirked and he turned towards his office to only return a minute later. He went to grab his things before heading out to pick Noah up from school.

“I will be out of the office for the rest of the afternoon. If you need me just call.” 

He was anxious as he made his way to Noah’s school. He knew Liv was right and he knew Noah deserved more than Rafael had been giving him recently. As he walked into the office to check Noah out before the end of school rush of parents the secretary smiled in surprise. 

“Mr. Barba! It is so good to see you! I know Noah will be surprised you are back from your trip!” 

He looked at her confused and unsure of what she meant. 

“Noah let us know you would be away for awhile because you were with your best friend. He will be surprised you are home so soon! Let me have him come up for you.” 

As she was on the phone calling Noah to the office for check-out he felt his breath catch thinking about Noah and realizing just how much he needed him. He felt torn in two as he did not realize how he had damaged Noah and he swore to himself as he texted Liv while he waited for Noah. 

_ “I am so sorry, Liv. I didn’t realize..” _

He hoped Olivia would help him fix everything and he made a mental note to spend time with her as well as he knew she was probably feeling like Noah. 

When he looked up he saw Noah making his way down the hall with his head dropped and the normal smile gone. Rafael could see Noah was upset and he would bet his entire paycheck on their relationship over the past week or two being the cause. Before Noah spotted him he stepped out of the office and into the hall. 

“Hola amigo!” Rafael said making Noah’s head shoot up and a smile take over his face. 

“Rafi!!” 

Noah jumped into Rafael’s arms as he bent down to greet the boy. As he stood he lifted the boy in his arms and instinctively Noah slipped his hand under his suit jacket at his shoulder and grasped the suspenders like he had done since Olivia brought him home and Rafael would hold him. 

As he walked out of the school he did not want to put Noah down. He knew Noah was a “big boy” and did not like being held but as the little boy held on to his shoulder and laid his head against his own he felt content wash over him. 

It was in this instance he realized he did not only have Jake, he had Noah. He had always been a father, a papi, he just didn’t realize it until now. 

“How about we go get some ice cream and go to the park?” 

Noah nodded and he began walking towards the park they would go to carrying Noah, his youngest son, in his arms. 

“I love you, mijo.” 

“I love you too papi.” Noah said with a sigh as he nuzzled more causing Rafael to stop and hug Noah tighter before continuing.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:**

As Jake walked out of the school looking for Rafael or Carmen he was surprised to see Olivia waiting for him. 

“Olivia!” 

“Hey Jake!” 

“Where’s Raf?” 

He was confused on why she was there as for the past few weeks either Carmen or Rafael would pick him up. 

“I thought we could spend some time together today. How does that sound?” She replied as they both continued their walk. 

“Hey Olivia?” Jake asked nervously.

“Hmm?” 

“Can I talk to you about something?” He asked as they slowed to a stop by a pizza shop. 

“Always Jake. Why don’t we grab a bite while we talk?” Olivia asked as Jake smiled and nodded before following her into the pizza place. 

As they sat with their slices Olivia watched as Jake played with the straw in his drink and look out the window. She didn’t want to rush him and allowed him instead to lead the conversation. 

As they both sat in silence for a few minutes she followed his gaze out the window and she closed her eyes for a minute when she saw what his eyes were locked on, a mother was laughing with her children as they walked by. 

Olivia watched as Jake took a deep breath before starting to talk.

“Do you think Rafael is happy I am with him?” Olivia was taken back by the question. 

She expected him to want to talk about his mother or school, especially with the look he was giving the family outside. 

“Of course Jake.” She said as she patted his hand before continuing. 

“What’s going on?”

He shrugged in response. It was not like him to not talk with her and not let her know what he was thinking. Even on the first day they met he opened up to her more than either had expected. 

“Don’t hide from me Jake. We’ve always talked.” 

“It’s just.. Sometimes it seems that he is upset that I am here. That he can’t have you and Noah over anymore and we didn’t even see Mrs. Barba for brunch like we were supposed to the other day.” 

Olivia had a feeling he wasn’t done and took a sip of her drink to give him a few minutes to continue. She had a feeling Jake was internalizing some of the same things Noah had been feeling and was glad for the one-on-one time with him. 

As much as she didn’t want to push she knew Jake was desperately looking for not only a father but also a mother. Not to replace his but instead to pick up the torch and help relight the flame she helped build. 

“I really love it with him and I was so happy when he told me that he was my.. Father. But I don’t want him to uproot his entire life just because of me.” Jake stated and before Olivia could say anything he continued. 

“Do you think you and Noah could come over more? Or we can go to your place some? I really like Noah and I miss seeing you.” 

Olivia game him a soft smile causing the boy to smirk just like his father often did to her. 

“Jake I think he was trying not to overwhelm you. You’ve had a crazy few months and I think he was just allowing you time to settle and let everything calm down some.” Olivia started as she leaned to hug him tight.

“And don’t worry, Noah and I miss you guys too.” 

“Really?” He asked surprised. 

“Most definitely! Can I tell you something?” Olivia asked and Jake nodded. 

“Noah is having a hard time with everything too Jake. He isn’t used to sharing Rafael and was feeling a bit left out. That’s why I picked you up today instead of him. So the two of them could have some time together being monkeys.” 

They shared a laugh and both finished their slices of pizza before working their way towards her apartment. 

She was not sure if the information would upset him or make him feel bad. Olivia watched as Jake processed the information carefully and swore this must be what Lucia saw all her life as she watched a miniature Rafael ponder and think through all the information. She could visually see when he figured things out just as she could when Rafael did when working on a case and it was a bit amusing to her. 

“Maybe we can do more days like this? I like spending time with you and being able to do things with you.” 

“You know what Jake? I think that is an excellent idea! What do you think about doing things with all four of us as well?” She asked and saw a twinkle hit Jake’s eye as he smiled. 

“Like a family?” 

“Like a family.”

After a few minutes of silence as they walked she noticed the smirk that started to creep onto his face. It was one she had seen more times than she could count on Rafael everytime he was plotting something or when someone would slip mid testimony and he knew he had just won.

“Are you and Rafael dating?” Olivia choked on her coffee while she walked as the question had caught her by surprise. 

“Where did that question come from?” She asked as he allowed a full fledged Barba-esk smirk go across his face. 

“Well you two are always texting. You are always talking. You picked me up from school while he picked Noah up from school. You smile when we talk about him and he always gives you his coffee saying it was for you when he doesn’t buy an extra when it really is his coffee and then he gets snarky at everyone but you. And he-” 

“Okay Jake I get it.” 

His smirk grew and she felt like she was walking with Rafael during one of court recesses where he is analyzing just how he knew he was going to win his case. She made a mental note to let Lucia know this bit of information and get help with dealing with a younger version of Rafael. 

“Yes we are dating.” 

“Then why don’t you ever go to the movies or anything?” He asked and she just shook her head and smiled. 

“You know what Jake? You are way too smart.” 

They continued their walk as they talked about school and what clubs he was hoping to be involved with. She was not surprised to learn he had signed up for the debate team and the robotics club but she was surprised to learn Rafael had agreed to be the debate coach. 

She prayed for the kids, their parents, and their opponents as made sure to be off the day of the first debate in order to see just how well he can teach and hoped he wouldn’t be too hard on everyone. 

“Why don’t we head home and start that stack of homework? I’ll even help you out.” She offered and he gave her a slight smile. 

“No thanks. Raf and I do homework together. It’s kinda our thing ya know.. But umm.. Maybe we can all have dinner together afterwards?” 

“That sounds good. Let’s go home.” She stated as they started to walk back towards the apartment. 

“Do you think we will all live together one day?” 

Olivia smiled and knew it was Lucia who put the idea in his head. She pulled him into a hug as her phone rang before she could respond. 

“Hey Fin..” She answered as she looked at Jake while they walked. 

“Uhmm yea.. No it is okay. Umm.. have you called Barba? ...Okay. So he is on his way too? ... Give me a few minutes and I will meet you guys at the precinct.” Jake heard her say as they walked. 

“Sorry Jake.. looks like we have a change of plans. Up for a visit to my office for a bit? Raf and Noah are going to meet us there.” 


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16:**

“Did you see how high I jumped Rafi?!” Noah squealed as he ran to Rafael sitting on the bench. 

“I did. Good job amigo!” Rafael stated as he ruffled Noah’s hair and urged the boy to sit on the bench with him. 

“Why don’t you take a break Spiderman and we can get some ice cream before we go home?” 

Noah nodded enthusiastically at Rafael’s suggestion and as they walked to their normal ice cream spot Rafael couldn’t help but ask why he was so sad earlier. 

“My teacher asked us what we were going to do after school today and I remembered today was pasta day and got excited and then I thought about how you didn’t show for pasta night last time and I got sad.” Noah rambled. 

Rafael took a deep breath as he listened to what Noah was saying, really listening. He wanted to know just what the young boy was thinking and, just like Olivia, when Noah rambled you were let into his heart and mind. 

As they walked into their ice cream shop and sat at the counter like they would always do Rafael couldn’t help but smile. It was these moments that he missed with his youngest son. These moments that he wished he hadn’t forgotten about over the past few weeks. Even though he didn’t realize it until then he had always had a son, he just had to open his eyes and ears to realize it. 

He watched the wonder in the young boy’s eyes when their regular waiter brought out their ice creams without even taking their order. 

“How did he know papi? I mean.. Rafi.” Noah asked as he stumbled with what to call Rafael since he had called him Papi earlier in the afternoon. 

“Noah do you want to call me ‘Papi’?”

Rafael watched as Noah’s face scrunched and he could see Noah thinking a minute. Rafael had to hold in a chuckle at Noah’s facial expressions. If he did not know any better he would have sworn Noah was Olivia’s flesh and blood with just how close the two were and just how much Noah mirrored his mother. 

“Well Billy said his papi takes him places, helps him with his homework, and calls him his buddy just like you do with me. Plus he says his dad takes his mom places and holds her hand like you used to do with my mom and you used to kiss her like Billy’s dad does to his mom… but you hadn’t done those things in a while.. So aren’t you my papi like Billy is his?” 

Noah sat eating his ice cream as he rambled and Rafael let him. He was trying to take Olivia’s advice and talk to Noah but he also knew that before he could talk he needed to listen. 

As Noah spoke Rafael was surprised just how much Noah had observed and picked up on over the last year. Him and Olivia had never came and and talked to him about the two of them dating but it seemed Noah had picked up on it anyway.

“Noah, I will always be your papi.” Rafael stated as he ruffled the boy’s hair and kissed the top of his head.

“Are you Jake’s papi too?” 

Rafael took a second before saying anything as he was not sure exactly how to have this conversation without Olivia. As he nodded and he saw Noah’s face fall a bit and it caused his heart to break a bit. 

“Noah, I love you and I am your papi but that doesn’t mean I can’t also be Jake’s too. It just means that your mom and I get to be with both of you and get to love both of you.” Rafael started. 

As he talked to Noah about everything he found that he was actually able to talk to him about Jake with more ease than when he was trying to explain everything to Jake a few weeks ago. 

“But you have been with your mom and I longer than Jake has so you might need to help him learn the ropes a bit. Do you think you can help me with that?” Rafael asked and Noah nodded. 

“Like a big brother?” 

“Sorta amigo.. Jake is older so he is the big brother but you can be the super little brother. How does that sound?” Rafael asked and Noah beamed up at him. 

The two finished their ice creams and started to make their way home Rafael’s phone rang. 

“Barba.” 

“Barba, hate to call you but we have a problem.” 

Fin’s voice surprised him and he had to do a double take at his phone to make sure he was hearing right. 

He knew if Fin was calling him there was something up and he doubted he could get out of it. Fin gave him the details on their recent arrest and what the suspect was wanting to give to them on the basis there would be a deal or something in if for him. 

By the way Fin explained everything Rafael knew he needed to go to the precinct and hear what the guy had to say for himself. He was thankful he was still in his suit but did not know if Liv would appreciate him taking Noah to the precinct with him. 

“I have Noah with me so I will need to call Liv and meet her first.” 

“No need. I am needing to call her in as well as the dweb won’t talk without both of you.” 

Rafael knew he had no choice but to bring Noah with him but he was worried about Jake and how to explain everything to the squad and hoped Olivia had a plan. 

“Well Noah it looks like we need to take a detour before pasta night. Uncle Fin needs us at the precinct.” 

Noah jumped for joy at the idea of being able to see his favorite uncle again. Rafael also knew that when Noah was around Fin and Sonny the three of them often found themselves in trouble or Noah and Sonny would have sugar highs for the rest of the afternoon. 

Rafael groaned at the thoughts of the 5 year old and Sonny being on sugar highs together again as the last time he wanted to lock Sonny in a vault just to ease the headache the man had caused when he arrived at his office later that day. Noah and him both bouncing off the walls and cracking jokes at him as they waited for Olivia to get out of a meeting at the courthouse and of course the two just had to end up in his office. 

Rafael and Noah made it to the precinct before Olivia and Jake and Rafael was able to meet with the other detectives while Fin set Noah up with an iPad at his desk as they all waited on Olivia to show. 

As they continued to talk and go over the case Olivia and Jake arrived and Rafael felt his anxiety grow with the questions he knew would be asked. 

“Sorry for calling you in Lieutenant.” Sonny said as the pair walked into the room. 

“It’s okay guys. Let’s just get this thing settled so we can all go home for the night.” She replied as everyone’s eyes fell on Jake. 

Rafael moved towards Jake and smiled at the teen as he went to ruffle his and Noah’s hair at the same time before placing a protective hand on Jake’s shoulder pulling him close. 

“Everyone this is Jake. He is.. He’s-” 

“My big brother!!” 

Noah interjected Rafael while jumping from the chair to Jake who was able to quickly catch him before they both hit the ground in a fit of giggles and smirks from Liv and Rafael. His actions and the aftermath caused everyone’s eyes to widen and look between Rafael and Liv with questions. 

“Carisi just how much sugar did you give Noah?” Liv asked as Rafael eyed the detective down from across the room. 

“Why don’t I get these two settled in your office Liv and we can talk more and get this guy settled?” 

Fin leaned down and picked up a laughing Noah from on top of a grinning Jake. As they walked into the office Rafael and Liv heard him whisper to Noah as they walked.

“Fill me in kiddo. Do we need to call Uncle Munch too?” 

Liv’s eyes rolled knowing every secret was about to be spilled and she smiled at the three as they walked away leaving them to explain what they could to the rest of the squad. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17:**

It had been a few days since the squad found out about Jake and Rafael was feeling the most at ease he had been in months. The acceptance of Jake with the squad and the newfound brother-ness of Jake and Noah had lifted a huge weight off his chest he didn’t even realize he was carrying until it was gone. 

After he and Olivia explained what they could and allowed everyone to meet and mingle after they handled the suspect his life seemed to calm down tremendously. He didn’t know why but the idea of not having to “hide” or continue to figure out to to manage his personal and his professional lives separately helped a lot. By just allowing everything to be out in the open and as one life made his mind and stress calm down. 

Jake had taken to Sonny immediately just as Noah had to him and Fin but it was different this time. Sonny seemed to understand so much more of Jake than either him or Liv did and it seemed to help Jake as well. In the few weeks since meeting the two had spent more time hanging out and as much as Sonny got on his nerves he was grateful for Jake to have someone that wasn’t him or Olivia. 

Although he would have to talk to Jake about his newfound desire to attend Fordham Law instead of Harvard. That was not up for debate. 

As Rafael opened the door to her apartment he took in the sight in front of him. Scattered in the living room was numerous half built legos, animals everywhere, and a few empty wine glasses. 

As he turned into the kitchen the scattered mess continued. 

When he reached the bedroom he sighed as he saw his old Harvard t-shirt on the bed and a wall of pillows on one side of the bed, his side of the bed. 

When Noah made a comment earlier about Liv not making him clean and pick up his messes he figured it was an isolated instance but when Fin made a slight comment about Liv being a little off lately he knew there was something else going on and he had a feeling it was similar to Noah’s. 

He thanked his lucky stars and sang every Hallelujah he could for Liv being in his life and for taking a chance on him when he didn’t think she would even give him anything other than friendship. However, he also knew he hadn’t been the best boyfriend or partner over the last bit with everything in his life being turned upside down. 

His heart ached when he realized he had not shown her or even told her how much she meant to him and walking into her empty apartment solidified his fears. She had put so much in to him and helping him with Jake and with helping him navigate fatherhood he never noticed part of her light had dimmed as a result. He never realized just how much of herself she was putting into him while he was oblivious to her needing some of his light too. 

He placed both hands on the counter and hung his head before realizing what he needed to do not just for Liv but also for him, for both of them. It was something he had been meaning to do for a long time and if he was honest with himself it was something he also feared to do and Rafael Barba was not fearful of anything, except Olivia Benson. 

As he shrugged off his jacket he pulled out his phone to put his plan in place. 

“Hola mamá ... necesito un favor.” 

“Cualquier cosa hijo. ¿Qué está mal? ¿Estás bien? ¿Están bien los chicos y Olivia?” Lucia rambled before he could continue. 

“Everyone is okay.” He said reassuring her none of them were hurt before continuing. 

“I know it is Friday night and I am sure you have plans but do you think you could watch the boys for the night?” 

He explained what had been going on and what he was wanting to do. He explained that he needed to spend time with Olivia without the boys and how the two of them needed to find their roots and grounding again with each other. 

“Oh hijo! Tómate tu tiempo. Tengo mis nietos”

Rafael gave her all the information needed to pick up Noah from school. 

“Carisi was going to get Jake for a bit after school so I will have him bring him to you afterwards.”

Rafael and Lucia continued their talk a bit longer while he rolled his sleeves and loosened his tie as he started to pick up the various items in his path towards Olivia’s bedroom. 

“Te amo mamá. Gracias.” He said before they said their goodbyes and he continued with his plan calling Fin and Carisi next before getting started with his plan. 

When Olivia walked into her apartment a few hours later expecting Lucy and Noah to be there and be finishing dinner by now she had to take a moment to double check she was in the right place. 

As she looked around she didn’t see a single lego, dinosaur, or even a crumb out of place. The kitchen was spotless and the living room was even vacuumed. She made a mental note to give Lucy a nice bonus for dealing with the mess that had accumulated over the past few weeks. 

As she made her way towards her bedroom still in shock at exactly how clean her apartment was she had to stop and smile.. On her newly made bed was a single Tulip with a card on top of a white cardboard box. 

As she opened the card she couldn’t help but allow a smile spread across her face and a tear run down her face. 

_ “Mi amor, mi luz, mi vida.. you have given everything to me and have brought light and color in my darkness. Put this on be outside at 8pm. Don’t worry about the boys, I have it covered. Te amo, Olivia.” _

Her grin and tears continued as she carefully opened the box to see a deep emerald dress with matching heels. As she lifted the dress and heels her breath caught as she realized how beautiful everything was and before she could put it down she noticed another card fall out of the box. 

“ _ Stop staring at the dress and get ready. Don’t think. Don’t ask questions. Don’t ask how I knew. 8pm sharp.”  _

She chuckled at his words and rolled her eyes at his demandedness. 

“Even when he isn’t here he has to be in charge.” She thought to herself as she moved the box and hung the dress up while she walked into her bathroom to find a single Lily and another card.

“ _ Are you still not ready?! Seriously woman! ;)”  _

She let out a laugh and shook her head as she placed the card down and stepped into the shower to wash the stresses and struggles of the day away. 

She had no idea what she would be getting into that evening but she had a bit of excitement and anxiousness in her for the unknown. 

He had never done something like this for her and she did not know what to expect and it made her even more excited as the clock grew closer to 8pm and as she walked out of her apartment a few moments past 8 she stopped in her tracks. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18:**

She beamed at the man in front of her as she tried to catch her breath and compose herself with the sight of him.

Rafael was leaning against a limo wearing a very Barba lustful smirk and a tailored tux with a deep emerald green pocket square on his chest that made the green in his eyes show even more than usual. As she looked at the tux on him she swore was specifically made for his body. The tailoring was spot on and it hugged every single inch of him just right.

“Raf..” 

He gave her a lustful smirk and once over with his eyes as he closed the distance between the two of them and placed a finger on her lips. 

“Shh. No questions. Just trust me.” 

He leaned in for a very sultry and light kiss before opening the door and joining her inside before motioning to the driver. 

She didn’t know how long they drove for but she did know her body. It had raised a substantial amount of degrees since she saw him and since they had climbed into the limo. Neither said anything during the ride and instead allowed each other to take in the other and enjoy their respective views. 

As they drove his fingers on her shoulder and though drove her crazy. He was lightly trailing them up and down her thigh and allowed his other hand to slightly massage and feel her shoulders and neck. 

At the same time she leaned her head against his and laid her hand dangerously close to his very inner thigh and trailed it down to his knee making his breath hitch as she did. When she heard him it took all she had to not lean into him all the way and ask the driver to turn around and take them back to her apartment. 

Once they did stop his eyes were full of lust that she knew she also held in hers. As the door opened and he climbed out he held his hand out to her and helped her out before leading her into the theater for opening night of a new Broadway show she had been talking to Amanda about earlier in the week. 

“How did you know?” 

“Didn’t I say ‘no questions’? Really mi amor you need to follow directions better.” 

She let out a chuckle as she saw his eyes light up as they made their way into the theater. She could have sworn she saw his eyes gleam just like a childs. 

As they walked many of the other patrons turned towards them and would not only eye her but also him up and down. She was self conscious at their looks but Rafael did not even notice. He was too engulfed in the woman beside him. 

He ushered her towards the VIP booths and into one labeled “Mr. & Mrs. Barba.” When she saw it she looked at him with a raised eyebrow and a questioning look. 

“Not my doing.. but it does have a nice ring to it..” 

When she looked over at him all she saw was his devilish grin and she was left speechless. He led her to their seats as the show began allowing both to be enveloped in darkness as their hands continued the torturous motions of before. 

As they made their way back towards the limo after the show he couldn’t help but stare at her. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and knew he never wanted to share a moment without her in his life. 

The ride back to her apartment was heated as the tension in the limo was thicker than either had ever experienced before. As they made their way both found themselves sitting closer than either thought was humanly possible. 

As they grew closer to their destination Rafael felt his heart race and pulled Olivia closer to his body pressing a kiss on lips causing both to moan at the contact. When they pulled apart she leaned into him and both shared a smile before the limo came to a stop. 

“Mr.. Barba.” The driver stated as he opened the door. 

The two men shared a smile and Rafael nodded to the man before giving him a very generous tip before helping Olivia up the path in front of them towards the fountain in the park. 

As they walked he felt his heart race even more and watched her from the corner of his eye at how she smiled, how she moved in the night, how her eyes glistened when she looked at him. 

When the two reached their destination he was actually rather impressed with himself and Fin. The latter had let him know there would be a music festival in the park that evening and advised him where the crowds would be and where the quieter areas would be to allow for privacy. 

Fin had also let him know the quieter music starts playing later in the evening as the festival pulls a lot of people for dates and they try to slow things down around the later evening for the romance. 

As he glances around him he chuckled realizing there were police makers up the path to stop anyone from joining the two and made a mental note to thank Fin. 

They reached the fountain as the slower songs from the festival started to play and he gave himself a mental pat on the back at how well he planned their arrival. As he stopped the two of them from walking further up the path she turned to him. 

“What is going on Rafael?” 

He just shook his head and gave her a soft smile as he held his hand out to her. 

“Dance with me mi amor.” 

He took her in his arms allowing his hands to continue their previous movements down her back and spine as they swayed to the music from the other end of the park. She was surprised at just how well he could dance and move his hips to the beat and music. 

“You are too good at this Counselor.” 

“I am Cuban, Lieutenant. It is in my blood.” He replied causing both of them to chuckle and continue their dance. 

As the song ended so did his movements as he looked into her eyes feeling his heart skip a beat at the love he saw within hers. 

“Olivia..” He started to say but she placed her lips on his before he could continue. 

“Kiss me first.” 

They both pulled each other into a deep, passionate kiss causing both to allow their hums to be heard by the other. 

“As much as I want to keep doing that I don’t think this is the place mi amor.” He sighed. 

He rested his forehead against hers as he held her close with his hands resting on her hips. She brought her hands to his chest and face, rubbing the scruff that had set in from the day. 

After what felt like forever he pulled back and looked at he hoped she could see the love and admiration in his eyes as he bent down and pulled a small velvet bag out of his breast pocket.

“Oh my..” Olivia started as her hand went to her mouth. 

“Rafael -“ 

“Olivia, mi amor, mi luz, mi vida. I love you. I love everything about you. I love how you put me in my place when I am wrong. I love how you take care of both our boys. I love how you insist on having a dozen extra pillows on the bed. I love how you always have to take a sip of my coffee even if you have your own. I love everything. I love YOU.” He started as she felt tears gather and he did the same. 

“Mi amor. Be mine forever. Raise our boys together. Marry me.” 

He pleaded with her not only in his voice as he spoke but also in his eyes. He did not know how long he waited nor how long he could hold out before he let his tears fall along with hers. 

“Yes.” 

It was a near whisper but he heard it and as he gathered her in his arms and slid the ring on her finger he knew he had made the best decision of his life. 

He pulled her into a deep his and both allowed their hands to travel along each other, pushing the boundaries of what they could do in public. 

“Take me home Rafael.” 

  
  



	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19:**

“So are you and Olivia going to get married now?”

“Yes. We don’t know when though but we do want you and Noah to be in the wedding. Think you would be okay with that?”

Jake beamed up at Rafael as they walked down the sidewalk. As they walked the two of them talked about Jake’s upcoming science fair, his school’s fall festival, Noah’s desire to play soccer, and everything in between. 

During their walk Rafael also spoke with Jake about what changes would occur now that he and Olivia were engaged and looking to consolidate their homes. He knew Jake was finally in a good spot and settled and worried about the changes affecting him. 

“Will I still go to my school? What about my friends?” Jake asked worried. 

“Yes. We wouldn’t move you or Noah. You will still be able to see your friends at school and even be able to invite them over if you wanted to.” 

Rafael watched as Jake pondered over the information and he could tell when Jake had more on his mind by the way his brow wrinkled. 

“But what about my things?” 

“Well Jake, I would think you would want to take them with you to the new place once we move. We don’t know when that will be so there is still lots of time to plan and pack.”

Jake stayed quiet for a few minutes and Rafael watched him as they walked. Jake was quiet and reserved the rest of the way towards their destination. He didn’t want to push but he felt there was something more Jake wanted to ask or say.

“Jake.. what is on your mind?”

“Nothing.”

As they reached the entrance to Comic-Con he was surprised that Jake didn’t light up like he figured he would. Jake had been talking about going with him for days when Rafael let him know he had gotten them tickets. 

As the two of them moved through the the many booths and exhibits at Comic-Con he noticed his normally upbeat and spunky teenager had found himself burrowing back to his comfortable hole. The same hole he was nestled in when they first met.

He wondered what Jake was thinking and if he needed to take both Olivia and Langan up on their offer to find Jake a therapist. He worried the changes and the upcoming move were to blame but he didn’t want to assume. In the end he made a note on his phone to get something set up the following week to at least work with Jake on the grief from his mother. 

The two continued through the convention and the longer they were there the more Jake acted more like the Jake Rafael knew. By lunch time Jake was rambling on about the different panels they had listened to and the various actors and actresses he had met. 

“I can’t believe we were able to see both the Marvel panel AND the Hannibal panel! That was awesome!” 

“I’m glad you enjoyed them. I didn’t know if you would like the Hannibal one or not when we walked into it.”

“Honestly? Either did I. But that one guy being so excited about that guy asking about musicals and then hearing how they worked the different stories really hooked me.”

“I don’t know if Liv will allow us to watch it while Noah is up but maybe the three of us can try to watch the first episode this weekend and see what we think about it?” 

“That sounds great!”

The two continued through the various activities, booths, and a few more panels before heading home for the day. By the end of the day Jake had crawled out of the tunnel he was in earlier in the day and had since let his bubbly and energetic self loose. Rafael found he was exhausted trying to keep up with the 13 year old. As the two made their way towards what looked to be a lightsaber version of laser tag Rafael groaned.

“Raf.. if you don’t want to do this one we don’t have to. It looks like a lot of the parents are skipping it anyway.” 

Rafael looked up to see a group of parents leading their children away from the event much to the kids disappointment. At the same time he saw many of the older teenagers and young adults enjoying themselves while the rest of their parties rested outside. As much as he wanted to turn and head home he knew Jake had been talking about it for the last hour and figured even if he couldn’t keep up he should still allow Jake to take part. 

“Why don’t you go enjoy yourself and I’ll sit here or look the books at the booths around here? I don’t think I would do you much help against everyone here.” Rafael groaned as they sat on the bench together. 

“I don’t have to. It’s okay.”

“Jake, go enjoy yourself. I will be right out here. I trust you.” 

Rafael handed Jake some cash for the event and Jake beamed as he gave the older man a bear hug in appreciation. 

“I won’t be too long! I promise!” Jake yelled as he ran towards the entrance. 

Rafael chuckled to himself knowing that it would be at least an hour before Jake emerged from the laser tag event and he took this time as an opportunity to track down something for Jake’s upcoming birthday. 

He passed by a few tables and came to one where a large group had just left from. As he approached he recognized a few of the people sitting on the other side as some of the panel members from the Marvel panel. He had already picked Jake up a few shirts as he wandered and as he reached the table he reached into the bag as he walked up to the group right as everyone was standing to leave. 

“Umm.. Hi. I don’t know if you guys can do this or not but Jake.. my son, loves you guys and hasn’t stopped talking about you all day. Would you guys be okay with signing this for a surprise for his birthday?”

The first member, who he recognized as the guy Jake always called “Captain,” turned towards him and smiled before going to shake Rafael’s hand. 

“Sure, no problem. You caught us at the right time actually. We were getting ready to head out.” He replied with a smile as he reached to grab the shirt in Rafael’s hand. 

A few other actors and actresses signed the shirt as well and by the end of it he had acquired a few trinkets and items from the various panel members. 

As he made his way back towards the laser tag he felt accomplished and held the new bag closer to him hoping Jake wouldn’t notice the extra items or bag in his arms. He wanted to make Jake’s 14th birthday special and he had remembered Jake being disappointed they had missed a few of the signature times. 

Just as Rafael expected Jake took a little over an hour playing Jedi and by the time the teenager arrived back on the bench he left from before Rafael could see the exhaustion on his face. 

The two made their way to leave and head home just as both of their stomachs grumbled. 

“What would you like for dinner tonight?” 

“Can we get pancakes?” Jake responded without skipping a beat. 

Jake’s response caught him off guard and when he looked over at him he had to take a breath. If he didn’t know any better he would have believed it was his abuela standing beside him. 

He had been noticing more features of not only his mother but also his late abuela and in front of him now was the look of his abuela, and mother, when they wanted something and knew he couldn’t say “no.”

“Let’s get pancakes.” he groaned and Jake knowingly laughed. 

The two were just about done with their stacks of pancakes and Jake retelling the story of how he beat the others in laser tag when his phone rang with an unfamiliar ringtone. 

“Barba.”

“It’s Trevor. We have a problem.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20:**

“What do you mean someone thinks I have an anger problem?!” Rafael exclaimed as Langan read outloud. 

Langan had met him and Olivia at his apartment the following day while the boys were in school in order to go over the information he was sent from the social worker. As Langan attempted to decipher and read the notes from the worker he read the section regarding Jake’s arrival to Rafael’s home. 

“Well according to a Susan Fields you have a short temper, yell a lot, and are a hot fuse.”

Olivia looked at Rafael with a raised eye in amusement. As much as he wanted to admit the words were quite true and instead of mouthing off in response he decided to grumble and smolder as he stared down the papers. 

“Trevor what does this mean for us? For Jake?” Olivia asked as she patted Rafael’s shoulder to help calm him.

“Well.. it’s not good. From the looks of it they are wanting you to attend some parenting or anger classes and they are wanting to extend their legal custody over Jake during this time.” 

Olivia rolled her eyes at Rafael’s grunt. If she didn’t know any better she would have thought Noah was sitting in the chair instead of a grown man. 

“I do not need ‘Anger Management Classes’.” 

“Barba you and I both know your history with your temper, especially in the courtroom, has gotten you into trouble and if my gut is right they are going to try to use that against you.”

As Langan spoke Rafael moved around the room fiddling with whatever he could get his hands on. He had not been this fidgety or anxious since he waited for his mother and abuela to get home so they could open his Harvard letter together. 

“Look I am not saying you have an anger problem. Hell all three of us have put away guys who had anger management issues. But what I am saying is that they seem to have concerns for how you might have reacted to Jake and apparently, according to these notes, you might have threatened the social worker?”

Langan did not need a verbal answer as the look on Rafael’s face was enough. He moved a stack of papers and picked up a folder before speaking again. 

“But that is not the worst of it I am afraid.” 

He handed Rafael the envelope and as the other man started to open and pull out its contents he spoke. 

“These are copies of letters, or notes, from Jake to Ms. Fields. From what I can gather when reading these she got them from him during a visit initially after being here.”

Rafael and Olivia both read through the different notes and letters. Some brought tears to their eyes while others had them both speechless. One in particular had Rafael standing and muttering in spanish before he realized it. Throughout all of them was a boy who was torn between many emotions and while he was joyful on the outside the letters described the opposite. 

Jake expressed anger towards both of them in a few sections between multiple letters. Anger towards Rafael for not being there for him and for “playing family” with someone while his son was alone. Anger towards Olivia for not being around more and for trying to step in and be his mother. Anger at the world for taking his mother and not explaining why. 

He expressed sadness at everything. Sadness at being alone in the world. Sadness at the loss of his mother. Sadness at never knowing he had a father, a brother, or even a family.

He expressed being overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at being thrown into a new family, a new school, a new city, a new world. He talked about not knowing how to “live up to ‘Mr. Barba’s standards’.” He talked about not knowing how to “move on” and be himself again after his mother’s death. 

The last letter, however, was written a bit differently. In this one, the one that made Rafael stand, he expressed not knowing if he could stay with Rafael, not knowing if he was wanted or desired. 

He wrote about “not fitting in” and how he did not know if he was breaking up “the family” by being there. He wrote about being happy he finally found a “real home” but that he did not know if he belonged. 

He described Noah’s relationship with Rafael and how the young boy often called him “papi” and that the two would often talk together in spanish but he did not know if he could do the same or if Rafael wanted him to be his “son.” 

He talked about the way Rafael spoke with Noah and had called him “mijo” a few times and, while he did not know much spanish, he knew Rafael had never called him “mijo” or son since he had been there. 

“I’ve read them and I’m going to take a guess and say you guys had no knowledge of these.”

“Not at all. When.. how.. Jake has been so happy. I don’t know what these are about.” Olivia softly stated as she held up the letters as Rafael sat back down. 

“Well would any of the things he is writing about be something you guys had happening here or maybe at school?” 

Both Olivia and Rafael shook their heads for a moment before Rafael’s head dropped and he softly said, “yes.”

“When he first arrived.. When he first moved it I had a hard time adjusting, a hard time figuring out just how to have a relationship with him. But we talked and have moved past a lot of that.. He has been so happy recently.”

As Rafael spoke Langan jotted a few notes and reread over the letters and notes trying to figure out the timeline of them, seeing which were wrote first. He wanted to pinpoint what was happening at home with Jake’s letters in order to prove they were old letters and all around the initial few weeks of Jake’s arrival. 

“Has anything been off recently?”

Olivia shook her head and answered for him. After a few moments of silence between the three Rafael had a realization. 

“Wait…”

As Rafael spoke Langan looked up at him. 

“There was something.. The other day, when we were going to Comic-Con, he withdrew a bit from me. I worried about it at first but after a while he bounced back and was his normal self again so I didn’t think anything of it.”

“You didn’t say anything when you guys got home.” Olivia stated as she looked at him curiously. 

“I was preoccupied after he called yesterday and I honestly didn’t think anything of it once Jake was back to his normal self.”

“What were you guys doing when he withdrew?” Langan asked as he started to jot down the information Rafael gave him. 

“I was talking to him about our engagement and what that means for the four of us. I wanted to talk to him one-on-one about a lot of things seeing as he is older and I felt he had a right to be part of the conversation.” 

Rafael was not sorry he spoke with Jake about everything and did indeed feel that Jake was old enough to be part of the conversation. What he was sorry about was everything else that had happened. How Jake felt about everything up until that point. 

Over the next hour the three discussed the various things that had happened with Jake and the four of them. Olivia explained the issues Noah had and the two of them deciding to take time with the opposite boy more often. Rafael explained their conversations about Jake’s mother, him being part of the family, and about him being happy that Jake was in his life now. By the end of the hour they had a good timeline for the letters and notes. 

“Well it seems most, if not all, of these were from before you guys introduced him to the squad. It seems that after that the letters and notes stop so maybe that is a plus?” 

The three of them shared a soft look and smile between them. All of them unsure of exactly what this all meant and where they went from there.

“Well Trevor it looks like we’ve got a hard fight ahead of us next week in court.” Olivia stated as the three went to leave together. 

“We shall see. In the meantime.. Get him in some counseling and Rafael.. Talk to someone too.” 

Rafael only nodded. The two shared a knowing look between them that as much as they both wanted one thing they knew, as lawyers, this would be a win for the opposition. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21:**

Over the next few days Olivia and Rafael world with Langan to find Jake a therapist and support network outside of legal system. The three of them had started using a group message to throw ideas at each other and, much to Rafael’s frustration, it was actually helping them coordinate with each other. 

As he was making his way out of his office towards a meeting he stopped at Carmen’s desk. He had been waiting on some information from Olivia for the better part of the last hour and knew he would be caught up the rest of the day and needed help. 

“What can I do for you Mr. Barba?” Carmen asked after a moment of him standing at her desk. 

She was used to his odd tendencies by now and knew how to work around his annoyances and mood swings. However, him standing in front of her desk staring at something in the distance was not part of her normal day with the sarcastic ADA. 

“Carmen.” He stated as he was startled back to reality. 

“I hate to do this but I am waiting on some information from Liv and with this meeting and briefing I am afraid I will miss it and it’s important.”

She smiled as she reached her hand out to him. His shoulders relaxed and he smirked back as he handed her his phone. 

“The passcode is -“

“- I already know. And before you say anything I will let you know if an emergency comes through with the boys or Liv. Also, don’t worry about Jake.. it’s robotics club day so you have a bit of time.”

He shook his head slightly as he let out a soft chuckle at Carmen’s knowledge and response. When he turned and left the office she sent Olivia a quick text from her phone. 

“He’s gone for at least 3 hours. What do you need me to handle on this end?”

Before she could even put her phone away Olivia was calling her directly. 

“Carmen I don’t know what you did but thank you!”

“Ha! I don’t know if I did anything but I did help schedule the meetings. He has been overly weird today and only had 3 cups of coffee.. none of which were from the cart outside. He actually used the Keurig you gave him.”

Olivia groaned and brought Carmen up to speed on the meeting with Langan a few days prior. She explained the need to get Jake into a therapist while also looking for one that could also work with Rafael both individually as well as with Jake jointly. As she spoke Carmen jotted down notes and highlights in order to make a few calls herself. 

“I’m going to take a guess you guys are looking for someone who is not afflicted with NYPD seeing as this Ms. Fields lady already doesn’t like Mr. Barba?” 

“Exactly. I have sent him a few names and Langan has also but he hasn’t been able to call everyone. I did speak with my contact over at child services today and she gave me the information to someone they use regularly.”

“Who is it? I have a few hours of peace so I can go ahead and call and make all the arrangements. I know Mr. Barba typically likes to do things himself but you and I both know if we let him handle everything alone we would both still be waiting on him to ask you out.”

Carmen and Olivia shared a laugh and as Olivia gave her the information she wrote everything down. The two spent the next few minutes catching up and agreeing to meet for drinks one day to swap stories of Rafael and the boys. 

After grabbing a hot tea for herself she settled back at her desk and proceeded to call the possible therapists and agencies Olivia had given her as well as a few she had found sitting in his “To-Do: Jake” list on the shared drive he had with her. They usually used the drive to keep case notes accurate or to share files for cases as he had been trying to go paperless more. 

When she found the list she was a bit surprised about what he had jotted down. 

“ _ To-Do: Jake _

  * _Find therapist_


  * Find a buddy - NOT Sonny


  * Shadow day?


  * Do more with Jake


  * Court - Suit Needed


  * Call him “son” or “mijo” - don’t force it!


  * Family day?


  * Name? - Barba? Anderson? Anderson-Barba


  * Family Picture


  * Be a better father


  * Boys night?”



She had known Rafael for years and since their initial meeting she had realized the hardened ADA was really a big softy who masked his anxiety with snarkiness and sass. She could see parts of his insecurity with the added remarks and question marks. She knew he often used lists to keep on track and funnel his thoughts when working so she knew she shouldn’t be too surprised he was trying them out for his personal life as well. 

As she read through the list she smiled. His list was like looking into his soul and seeing how insecure he really was and how he wanted everything to be in order and perfect with every aspect of his life. After reading over the items a few times she figured she could help with a few of them and try to take a little stress away from her already overly stressed and coffee addicted boss.

Over the next few hours she made call after call and sent numerous emails getting things set up for not only Jake but also Rafael, Olivia, and Noah. She reached out to not only therapist after therapist but also support groups and mentorship programs. 

She arranged numerous counseling sessions with one of the best therapist she was able to get on the phone, set up a meeting for Olivia and Rafael to meet with the local mentorship program that not only worked with teens but also younger children as well, and coordinated with Sonny on helping with Noah and Jake. 

By the end of the third hour, just as Rafael was walking back in the office, she was scheduling a fitting session for Jake and Rafael at Rafael’s favorite suit and tailor in his childhood neighborhood. 

She had made numerous appointments for him in the past and arranged pick up more times than she could count that she was surprised Rafael didn’t ask more questions about just how much of his personal life she was aware of, especially since his suits always ended up in his office before he was even notified they were ready.

She watched as he grumbled as he walked by mentioning something about needing a scotch before closing the door to his office rather forcefully. She knew he would be out within the next few seconds seeing as he did not pick up his phone on the way by or ask if anyone had called and if she knew her boss, which she did very well, it would take him just a second to return. 

“10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. -”

“Carmen.” He grumbled as he opened his door to walk back out. 

“How was your meetings Mr. Barba?”

“humph.. “ He snorted as he rolled his eyes. 

“Did Liv call? Any word on the boys?” 

“Yes and yes.” she stated as she handed his phone back to him with a folder attached. 

“What is this?”

She smiled at him as he opened everything and watched as his brow furrowed a bit as he read through the contents. After a few moments she took pity on him and decided to explain everything. 

“On top is the list of appointments and the arranged transportation to and from for Jake, and your, therapy sessions with Dr. Miles. With his the credentials and information for his practice behind it.”

As she spoke he looked over each document she described, eyes wide as he did. She didn’t need to see it as she did, seeing as she had put it together just like he wanted his files so she could restate everything in it in her sleep if need be. 

“After that there is information and the scheduled intake appointment for Noah and Jake at a mentorship program that comes highly recommended by the therapist and dates for when Sonny, Lucy, or myself will also be present with them. We won’t be there all the time, but will stop by a few times to check on both of them.”

He looked at her and started to say something but she held her hand up to stop him. 

“Finally there is information and the appointment information for your next fitting with the tailor.. I also added Jake to the appointment seeing as he does not have a proper suit for anything.”

When he looked over the appointment information his brow furrowed and he felt a bit insecure. He didn’t know how she knew but the more he thought about everything the more his shoulders relaxed and he felt some tension in his shoulders leave. 

“Before you say anything I wanted you to know I already updated your calendar with everything as well as sent all these updates to you via the shared drive.. Where your list was.. Sorry I didn’t mean to pry but I felt you needed a hand.”

He had no words and didn’t really know what to say to her as he felt himself get a bit emotional for the first time in a long time. He moved towards her and pulled her into a quick, but tight, hug before turning to go back to his office. 

“Carmen?” He said as he turned back towards her. 

“Yes Mr. Barba?”

“Thank you.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22:**

“Jake, are you ready to go?” Olivia called out as she walked into the living room putting on her last earring. 

It was the day both her and Rafael had been dreading since they had met with Langan a few weeks prior. Today would be when they attended their first court hearing with child services for Jake since he moved in with Rafael. 

Neither Rafael or Olivia had pushed Jake to talk to them about the letters and notes he wrote and had instead allowed Langan and Dr. Miles to speak with Jake about them privately. 

Langan had advised them to not pressure him to talk about them and instead to allow him to talk about them on his own time. He also knew he didn’t to give child services any more ammunition in what he felt would be a tough and emotional hearing anyway. 

As much as she hated to admit it, she was nervous. She knew neither her nor Rafael had done anything wrong or had done anything that would make the judge not believe Jake was in a stable, loving home. 

However, she also knew that there was only so much they could do in court as they would no longer be NYPD or ADA when they entered the room. Instead, they would be parents of a 13 year old. Parents of a child they did not know existed a few short months prior. 

As she finished cleaning up from their breakfast Lucy arrived to take Noah to school. Both her and Rafael had agreed that Noah did not need to be at court as he would not understand what was happening. 

Instead, he would go about his normal day and Lucia would pick him up from school if they were not out in time. Both of them had wanted to Jake to also attend school but Langan had advised them the court would need to speak with Jake so he would need to be present. 

“Hey Lucy! Noah should be ready, let me get him for you.” Olivia said as she let the younger woman in. 

“It’s no problem, Olivia! Noah is a wonderful kid and Jaje us too. You guys just focus on Jake and court today. Lucia and I have everything figured out for Noah today.”

The two woman shared a smile and both of them squeezed the other’s hand, eyes filled with emotions. She truly loved Lucy and everything she had not only done for her and Noah but also everything she had done for Rafael and Jake since Jake arrived. 

Before she could move towards the hallway to get Noah she heard Rafael moving down the hall towards the kitchen. As she turned to ask him to stop by the boy’s room she had to take a moment to admire what she was seeing. 

She had seen him in a suit more times than she could count and she swore the man never wore the same tie twice in a month but as he moved down the hall there was something different about him. 

As she took in his dark grey, three-piece suit matched with a baby blue shirt and his blue polka-dotted tie she couldn’t help but smile as she watched how the suit fit him just right. She had a feeling he had picked up a new suit when he took Jake but now that she saw it on him she couldn’t help but be glad. His hair was perfectly parted and she was sure she would need to get him more product with the amount he had used to plaster his hair down. 

It wasn’t until he chuckled and gave her a slight smirk that she was jostled back to reality. As she looked at him both he and Lucy chuckled slightly. 

“You okay, Liv?”

“What.. oh.. Yea! Umm.. do you mind getting Noah for Lucy? Plus Jake needs to be ready to go as well.”

“You just want to stare at my ass as I walk away don’t you?”

His retort made her eyes go wide as the blush crept across her face. Both of which caused Lucy to laugh once more and Rafael’s smile just grew as he walked slowly backwards towards the hallway before going to check on both boys. 

As he reached the door to Jake’s room he knocked before opening the door slightly. Before he could say anything he could hear Noah’s small voice trying to explain to Jake how to tie a tie properly as well as coaching him on giving a handshake. Rafael could only smile as he listened to the two for a few more seconds as he remembered having the same talk with Noah about a month prior to Jake arriving. 

Noah had come up to him one night while he was reading a case with Liv’s old patrol cap on and asked him if he could wear one of his ties to school one day for career day since he wanted to be a lawyer-cop. The two would then spend the next hour talking about ties and how to show people you mean business through a handshake. 

He smiled as he listened to his boys a few seconds longer and when he realized Noah’s voice was turning into frustration at the older boy he decided to speak up. 

“Hey guys, you ready?” He stated as he slowly opened the door further before taking a step in the room. 

He had to take a moment at the sight in front of him as he entered the room. Jake’s desk chair had been dropped as low as it could go and Noah was standing on it in front of Jake between him and mirror on the wall. He could see the younger boy’s frustration in his body language and how he held his hands on his hips looking squarely at Jake. 

“What is going on in here?”

“Papi.. Rafi.. I am TRYING to teach Jake how to wear his tie but he won’t listen to me.”

“No. I am listening but you are in the way and I am trying to get dressed Noah.” Jake said and Rafael could hear the frustration and nervousness in his voice as he spoke. 

“Noah, why don’t you go ahead and join your mom in the kitchen. I think Lucy is here to take you to school and don’t forget you get to spend this afternoon with your abuela.”

Noah happily jumped down from the chair with Rafael’s help and before he ran out the room towards Olivia and Lucy he turned towards Rafael with a stern face. 

“Good luck counselor.”

It took all Rafael had not to laugh as Noah spoke and he could see the smirk on Jake’s face starting to creep in as much as he was trying to fight it. It wasn’t until Noah was out of earshot that both shared a laugh and Jake spoke.

“I think we will all need help if he ever does become a lawyer-cop one day.” 

Jake’s statement made Rafael laugh harder and she shook his head as he moved to stand in front of Jake to help him with his tie and suit. 

“It’s not that I wasn’t listening to him. It’s just..”

“I know. Try being me when Olivia has an idea stuck in her head and won’t take no for an answer.” Rafael stated and both he and Jake shared a small smile before Rafael went to fix Jake’s tie for him. 

As he tied the tie, still hanging on Jake’s neck, he explained everything step-by-step while also showing him what everything looked like in the mirror. As he explained everything he made sure to verify Jake understood before moving to the next step. Afterwards he stood behind Jake with both hands on his shoulders as Jake then tied the tie by himself with few words from Rafael. 

Rafael smiled at Jake in the mirror as he helped him into his suit dark grey suit jacket. The two had decided to have matching suits when they had went to get fitted. However, Jake had abstained from the vest, unlike Rafael, and Rafael had let him pick out his own shirts and ties while he was getting his pants hemmed. In the end, Jake had picked out two different shirt and tie combinations with pocket squares for each with the help of one of the salesman. 

“Thank you Rafi.” Jake said as he smiled at Rafael through the mirror and Rafael smiled back as he squeezed the boys shoulders. 

“Anytime mijo.”

  
  



	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23:**

“Your honor, we are here on the matter of the minor Jacob Scott Anderson and his mother Cynthia Anderson. The child is present and represented by Trevor Langan and the state of New York is present and is represented by Molly Fisher.” 

As the clerk spoke Olivia reached out and held Rafael’s hand from the aisle behind Langan. Jacob was seated with Langan and, while she knew he was nervous, he did not show it. 

They were unable to sit with him and Langan until the Judge honored Langan’s motion to represent both Jacob and Rafael. 

However, unknown to Olivia, Rafael and Langan had another plan up their sleeves in case it wasn’t honored so neither were too worried about the Judge’s ruling on the matter. 

Langan and Rafael had not informed Olivia of their back up plan so both men shared a quick glance and Langan nodded at Rafael’s questioning look as the hearing began. 

“Mr. Langan it is good to see you again. Ms. Fisher welcome to the city.” The Judge stated as Ms. Fields joined Ms. Fisher at the table. 

“Thank you, your honor. I also have the Child Services case worker, Ms. Fields, with me as well.”

“Very well.” 

As the Judge read over the forms not only Ms. Fisher and Ms. Fields provided but also the motion request from Langan the room was still. 

Neither Rafael or Olivia knew if Ms. Fisher had informed Ms. Fields of the motion or not so the two watched in anticipation of what the Judge was reading. As the Judge spoke they had their answer. 

“Mr. Langan, I have read over your motion to represent a Mr. Rafael Barba along with Jacob. Ms. Fisher have you also received this motion?”

“We have, your honor. However, the state would would object and argue this would breach Mr. Langan’s role as Jacob’s lawyer and being an unbiased counsel in the matter of Jacob’s best interest.”

The Judge nodded his head while Ms. Fisher spoke and Olivia noticed a sly smile cross Rafael’s face. Before she could say anything she noticed a similar one on Jake’s face as Langan and him shared a fist bump under the table. 

“What are the three of you so happy for? He is going to deny Trevor’s motion.” Olivia asked as she whispered in Rafael’s ear. 

“We planned on it.” He whispered back as he flashed a small smirk that let her know everything would be okay. 

“Mr. Langan, any rebuttal to the objection?” 

“No, your honor.”

Olivia watched as both Ms. Fisher and Ms. Fields did a double take as they had confused expressions on both of their faces. Obviously they were not in on Langan and Rafael’s plan and just like her they were left a bit surprised at his answer. 

“Your honor, this -” Ms. Fisher started before Langan spoke up again. 

“Your honor, I would like to file this motion..,” he started as he pulled a blue folded packet out of his briefcase, “to represent Jacob Anderson while Dominick Carisi Jr. and Rafael Barba represent Mr. Barba as co-chairs with Mr. Carisi sitting first chair.”

As he spoke Rafael stood along with Carisi who was sitting behind both her and Rafael. Olivia was surprised when Carisi stood due to not even knowing he was at the hearing or that he had entered the courtroom. 

Olivia swore her face matched the shocked and startled faces of not only Ms. Fields but also Ms. Fisher’s. As she looked at the Judge, expecting to see a similar face, she saw a slight smirk hiding behind the stern face. 

“Your honor, I object. Mr. Barba cannot possibly be his own counsel in this hearing. It is a conflict of interest. Plus he is not a family court lawyer. Your court should not be the ADA’s playground.” Ms. Fisher stated rather sarcastically. 

Her objection caused Rafael to scuff and roll his eyes as he and Carisi moved forward to the center simultaneously. 

“Your honor.” Carisi stated as both he and Rafael crossed through the barrier between the lawyers and those seated. 

“Your honor. Under Manhattan judicial code, which is an extension of the state judicial code, an individual may in fact represent themselves in a juvenile court hearing, along with any court hearing in Manhattan, as long as they are not the first chair and as long as they do not directly cross examine any relatives within the case.” 

As Carisi spoke and she watched the smug faces of both Rafael and Trevor the light in Olivia’s head went off. As she continued to watch all three as well as watch how Jake beamed at Sonny she realized this was their plan all along, they just wanted the opposing counsel to make the objection to set the tone of how child services sees Rafael. 

“Well played, counselors. Well played” Olivia thought to herself as she smiled at the group of men in front of her. 

“Your honor. At this time I motion to co-chair the representation for Mr. Barba along with Mr. Barba himself.” Carisi stated very matter of factly as his smug smile crossed his face, joining the other three’s. 

“Objection. Your honor this is a tactic to sway the court in an unbiased way.” 

“Ms. Fisher, I guarantee you my court is not a biased court. Are you implying I run a crooked court now?”

“Of course not, your honor. However, I would argue Mr. Langan’s involvement with this would sway his decisions regarding Jacob.”

“Your honor.” Carisi interjected. 

“Your honor, I would argue Ms. Fisher and the state’s blatant disregard for Mr. Barba’s legal rights under the code as well as his paternal rights to Jacob are being violated. I am prepared to file a motion requesting the state appoint new counsel for themselves while also filing a motion against the state for a violation of rights on both counts.”

As Carisi spoke neither Langan or Rafael moved or said anything. It was unusual for Rafael to remain quiet in a courtroom and Olivia was surprised he had allowed Carisi to take it this far. Instead, he stood beside him with his chest puffed out staring directly ahead trying to calm himself and not interject. 

As she listened to Carisi’s remarks and phrasing she smiled and shook her head. She was sure Rafael had actually written everything and was sure this is why Carisi and Rafael had been “briefing a case” after hours over the last week. By the looks on both Langan and Jake’s faces she would also say they were in on this as well. 

“Your honor -”

“Ms. Fisher, while I am a patient man and a very patient Judge. I am going to assume you did not read the judicial code for the jurisdiction you are holding a hearing? I am also going to assume that you would rather Mr. Carisi and Mr. Barba co-chair the counsel instead of having to deal with two motions that I am actually in agreement with?”

“Yes, your honor.” Ms. Fisher stated as she sat down to speak with Ms. Fields. 

“Mr. Carisi, if you are not in objection to it, I will allow you and Mr. Barba to sit on the other side of Jacob for this hearing as seeing we do not have any additional tables today.”

“No objection, your honor. Thank you.” 

Rafael and Carisi moved in unison to sit beside Jacob with Carisi in the middle. As he went to sit Rafael looked back at Olivia and flashed her a quick smirk and nodded causing her to shake her head at his antics. Whether he said anything or not she knew those words had Rafael Barba written all over them. 

“Mr. Barba.”

“Yes, your honor?”

“Nice preparation.” As he spoke the Judge allowed a small smile to escape his lips causing both Jake and Rafael to grin simultaneously. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24:**

As the hearing began Olivia could feel the shift of the court towards Rafael’s favor, especially after Carisi’s statements. As she listened to Ms. Fisher’s opening statements she felt a presence not only behind her but also beside her. 

As she glanced to her right and behind her she saw Fin moving to sit next to her while Amanda sat behind her, smiling as they sat with her. 

“What are you guys doing here?” 

“We wanted to be here for you and for Barba and Jake.” Amanda whispered as she squeezed Olivia’s shoulder. 

“Plus, I wanted to see Carisi try to out-lawyer Barba.” Fin remarked.

His words caused the three of them to smile and chuckle. When he heard Fin’s words, Rafael turned and give a raised eyebrow at the remark and Jake to cough while trying not to laugh. 

Her ears perked up when she heard Ms. Fisher call Ms. Fields to testify. She grabbed Fin’s hand for support as Ms. Fields moved to the front of the room. She knew this is where the court would hear about Rafael’s “anger problems” and possibly the letters Jake wrote when he first arrived. 

“Ms. Fields, will you explain to us why we are here today?”

“Of course. Jacob came into foster care after the death of his mother, Cynthia Anderson. At that time, there was no legal guardian or any other family members able to care for Jacob. However, after he was in care, we did locate a putative father, Mr. Rafael Barba, and Jacob was placed in his home on a trial basis.” 

“Thank you. How would you describe Jacob?”

“He is a very bright young man with an incredible future. He excels in his school work and has matured well past his age. He is a quiet young man who I am very proud of.” 

“How would you describe the initial meeting with Mr. Barba?” 

“The initial meeting was .. tense.”

“What do you mean by ‘tense?’”

Olivia watched as Ms. Fields fiddled with her hands before looking at Jake and continuing. 

As she testified and as Ms. Fisher asked questions Rafael, Carisi, and Langan all wrote notes. She could see Rafael nudging Carisi, pointing at his notes get him to follow his thoughts. 

If she didn’t know any better she would swear Langan, Rafael, and Carisi has planned everything to revolve around Carisi being the one to actually talk. 

It was as if they had agreed for Rafael to be a silent chair but have Carisi to follow his lead and notes while also allowing Carisi to do what he wanted with the information and be his own lawyer. 

It was a sign of trust Rafael was giving him as this was not only his own life in the young lawyer’s hands but also the future of his son. While she knew Rafael would never acknowledge it, she knew there was a mutual understanding between the two men. 

“Upon initial contact with Mr. Barba he was very vocally irate about the situation and about Jacob. He proceeded to yell profanities both in English and in Spanish. Although, I am unable to state what he stated exactly in Spanish as I do not speak the language but based off his remarks in English I assumed they continued as he spoke both languages.”

“So he yelled and used profanities in front of you and Jacob?”

“Yes. However, Jacob did move to another room with Lieutenant Benson who had accompanied us to Mr. Barba’s residence.”

“Did anything else happen during the initial meeting?”

“Mr. Barba became very upset and angry not only towards Jacob’s presence but also to myself as I attempted to speak with him further about Jacob and of the reasons why he came into foster care.”

“Ms. Fields, did you feel threatened by Mr. Barba?”

Before she answered she looked not only to Rafael but also made eye contact with Olivia. As she did Olivia glanced at not only Rafael but also Jake. Jake was making a note for Langan to review while Rafael was staring straight at Ms. Fields with a piercing look.

“If looks could kill…” Olivia thought to herself as Fin gently squeezed her hand. 

“During the first visit with Mr. Barba at his residence, yes. I felt that I was unwelcome and that my well-being was being threatened.”

“Ms. Fields, are you asking the court to grant Mr. Barba custody of Jacob?”

“No I am not.”

“Thank you, Ms. Fields. No further questions, your honor.” 

As Ms. Fisher moved towards her table Olivia watched as the three lawyers in front of her looked at each other before Langan spoke. 

“Your honor, I would like to reserve the right to ask the witness questions.”

“Granted. Mr. Carisi. Mr. Barba. Do you have any questions for the witness?”

Carisi stood and buttoned his jacket as he spoke. 

“Yes, your honor. Thank you.”

As Carisi moved from behind the table she watched as Rafael tried to get him to look at something on the paper but Carisi shook his head and moved past him as he started his line of questioning. 

“Good morning, Ms. Fields.”

“Good morning.”

“Ms. Fields, please take the court back to the day when Jake entered foster care. What efforts did you employ to look for any relatives for Jake?”

“As I testified, Jacob came into care due to very unfortunate circumstances and, due to having no legal guardian, he entered care abruptly.”

“Ms. Fields, that is not what you testified to only minutes ago.” Carisi stated as he moved to pick up his notepad off the table. 

“You stated, and I quote, ‘Jacob came into foster care after the death of his mother, Cynthia Anderson. At that time, there was no legal guardian or any other family members able to care for Jacob.’” 

“Yes.”

“Ms. Fields, has there been a DNA test completed for Jake and Mr. Barba?”

“Yes. Mr. Barba had one completed by the NYPD for him and Jacob.”

“What were the results of the DNA test?”

“The results confirmed that Mr. Barba was, in fact, the biological father of Jacob.”

“So, if Mr. Barba was a named father and is in fact been proven to be a biological father for Jake. Doesn’t that mean he was a viable family member and could have taken custody of Jake at the onset of the case, instead of Jake entering foster care?”

“I cannot testify to that information. I would have to discuss it with my supervisor.” 

“Right.” 

As Carisi returned the notepad to the desk and took a second for a sip of water she watched as he pointed to the paper for Rafael’s input before proceeding. 

“Ms. Fields, you testified to Mr. Barba being verbally aggressive towards you and possibly towards Jake. You also testified to feeling threatened by Mr. Barba. Is that correct?”

“Yes it is.”

“Ms. Fields if you felt so threatened and you felt that Mr. Barba was not appropriate to not only carry on a conversation with you but also to care for Jake why did you not call for help by Lieutenant Benson, a member of the NYPD.”

Before Ms. Fields could answer the question Carisi followed up his question with another. 

“Ms. Fields, if you felt so threatened and felt uncomfortable with being in the same room with Mr. Barba, why did you leave alone?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Why did you leave alone? Why did you leave the apartment without Jake? If you, an adult who can defend one’s self, felt threatened, don’t you think a child, who cannot defend themselves, would have also felt threatened?”

“I do not know.”

“As a social worker don’t you have to protect a child, a minor, from any dangers and monitor their safety and well being?”

“Yes.”

“Wouldn’t the dangers of ‘anger management’ and ‘threatening behavior’ warrant the removal of a child from neglect or abuse?”

“Yes. That is correct.”

“So why did you leave alone and leave Jake in a home you felt was filled with anger management issues and threatening behavior?”

Olivia could swear she could hear a pin drop in the courtroom as Carisi looked at Ms. Fields waiting for an answer. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Rafael twirling his pen while also holding a satisfied smirk on his face. The type of smirk a teacher or professor would hold when they are proud of their student.

“No further questions at this time, your honor. However, I would like to reserve the right to reexamine the witness.” 

“Granted. Let’s take a 10 minute recess.” The Judge stated as he hit his gavel. 

  
  



	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25:**

“Your honor, I have a few questions before Ms. Fields steps down.” Langan said as he stood. 

As he moved to the middle of the room she noticed how Jake slyly passed Rafael Langan’s notes he had jotted down. She watched as Rafael raised an eyebrow as the spot Jake pointed to before nodding his head and smirked at the boy. 

Carisi, stuck between the two, was oblivious to what was happening around him. Instead, he was fixated on the words Ms. Fields used and her responses to the questions Langan asked her. 

“Ms. Fields, can you describe to the court the services or activities Jake is involved with?”

“Yes. Jacob is active in his school functions, he is very involved with not only his peers but also the debate team and a robotics club.”

“What services does Jake receive?”

“Jacob receives ongoing therapy services, mentoring, one-on-one aid services, and services for his mother’s passing.”

As Ms. Fields spoke Jake shook his head at Langan when the older man glanced back at him. Before he turned fully he glanced at Rafael and Olivia who both looked at her with confused faces. Neither had heard of any of those services Ms. Fields had spoke of and they only knew of the therapy sessions and services they had put in place with Carmen’s help. 

“Ms. Fields, have you spoken with Jake regarding his placement with Mr. Barba and Ms. Benson’s involvement?” 

“Objection. Your honor, what does Jacob’s statements to his case worker regarding a NYPD detective have to do with this case?” Ms. Fisher interjected. 

“Your honor, I would assume the court would want to hear about Ms. Benson, seeing as she is the biological father’s fiance.”

“I would. Overruled. Please answer the question Ms. Fields.” 

“Jacob expressed he enjoyed spending time with Ms. Benson and how she had been working with Mr. Barba on getting his home set up for Jacob after he arrived. Jacob wrote letters to me as well as spoke with me regularly about both Ms. Benson as well as Mr. Barba.”

“Did Jake ever express concerns for Ms. Benson?”

This was it. This was the moment Olivia knew could sway the court and sway the ruling out of Rafael’s favor. As she tensed she felt Amanda pat her shoulder and Fin grasp her hand tighter. 

“Don’t worry. I heard Carisi talking himself through this line of questioning the other day in the breakroom.” Amanda whispered before settling back in her seat. 

“Initially, upon first contact, Jacob and Ms. Benson were very attached. I had not seen Jacob attach to someone so quickly. Afterwards, after he had been with Mr. Barba for a few weeks, Jacob did have some thoughts of discomfort with both Ms. Benson and Mr. Barba.”

As Ms. Fields spoke she watched as Jake dropped his head not realizing the words he had written or the words he had spoken about both Rafael and Olivia were going to be shared. 

When Rafael saw Jake’s head drop and his face fall he reached behind Carisi to place a hand on Jake’s arm. Rafael reached as far as he could to show Jake that no matter what was to be stated he would always love him and that he would always be there. Just like he promised the first day they met. 

“What did Jake say to you about Mr. Barba and Ms. Benson?”

“At first he was glad he was with Mr. Barba and expressed being very thankful for Ms. Benson who had been working with both of them on how to communicate. However, the letters did change after the second to express being unhappy and angry at both Mr. Barba and Ms. Benson.”

“Will you explain what those later letters described?” 

“Yes. Jacob described not feeling at home with either of them and feeling as though he was a burden to them. He described anger towards not only Mr. Barba but also Ms. Benson as he spoke of his mother’s passing and feeling as though they were trying to take her place.”

“Ms. Fields, have you spoken with Jake recently about his feelings and wishes of Mr. Barba and Ms. Benson?”

“Not since my last visit with him at his school.”

“And when was that again?”

“Early last month -”

“Thank you. No further questions, your honor.” Langan said as he moved to sit back with Jake. 

Langan reached over and whispered something to Jake after he sat, trying to get him to brighten up from the questions he was asking Ms. Fields.

“A moment, your honor?” Carisi asked as he stood. 

When the judge nodded he moved back to the center of the room and glanced at Jake with a smile before proceeding. 

“Ms. Fields, has Jake expressed wanting to stay with Mr. Barba long-term?”

“Yes. On our last visit as well as this morning prior to court Jacob expressed wanting to remain with Mr. Barba and expressed not wanting to be separated from his family.”

“Thank you.” Carisi stated as he went to move towards the table before abruptly looking back at her. 

“Oh, one more question. Ms. Fields, what is the name of Jake’s therapist?”

“Dr. Thompson.” 

“Would you be surprised to learn Jake has not seen a Dr. Thompson in over 4 months since you placed him with Mr. Barba and that his current therapist is actually a Dr. Miles?”

“I have no knowledge of such change.”

“No further questions for this witness, your honor. However, I would like to call Mr. Rafael Barba to the stand.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26:**

As Ms. Fields stood to return back to her seat alongside Ms. Fisher she turned towards Jake offering him a small smile as she walked by. Olivia watched as he gave her a weak smile back before smirking at Rafael while he walked past winking at him. 

“Good morning, Mr. Barba.” Carisi started as the two men shared a look between them. 

This was new territory for Carisi and even though they had ran through it numerous times and has reenacted the scene more times than he wanted to remember he also knew a lot was on his shoulders as he looked at Rafael. 

“Good morning.”

“Mr. Barba, the state gave a vivid description of your initial contact not only with Ms. Fields but also with Jake. Will you explain to the court your version of the initial meeting?”

“First, I would like to state I had no knowledge of Jake until my doorbell rang that evening. At first, I thought Lieutenant Benson was bringing me more work and paperwork to complete in the comforts of my own home.” 

Rafael started as he and Olivia shared a small smile while Amanda and Fin both chuckled from around her. Amanda patted her shoulder as Rafael continued with his memory of that first night with Jake. 

“To say I was a bit shocked is an understatement. Yes, I may have used language that I am not proud of and yes I may have been a bit vocal during the meeting and initial contact with Ms. Fields. I do have a tendency to be a bit vocal and I believe any member of both the court as well as the NYPD can attest to that.”

As he spoke Olivia chuckled and Fin made a sly comment about Rafael being “a bit vocal” was an understatement and she had to nudge him with her elbow as he made remarks. 

“However, I would never intentionally threaten a child or a woman. My mother and abuela raised me to be better than that.”

“Would you say you say you spoke without thinking Mr. Barba?”

“Yes. At that moment there was no filter and there was no thinking. Instead, I allowed my mouth to say whatever came to it whether it was good or bad, or English or Spanish.”

“Mr. Barba, during the initial contact and meeting with Ms. Fields and Jake, did you ever threaten or intimidate either one of them?”

Rafael took a moment before he answered. He knew these next few questions would be the hardest and he knew his actions at that time were not the best but he could not change what had already happened. Olivia watched as he took a deep breath before looking Jake squarely in the eye before he continued. 

“Yes.”

“Can you explain how and why, Mr. Barba?”

“After Ms. Fields informed me of the situation and of me being named as Jake’s father in legal paperwork his mother, Ms. Anderson, left when she passed. Ms. Fields then made a comment that if I did not want to keep him in my home he would return back to the group home he came from and, as the conversation continued, she would regularly bring money, finances, and even stated that they would not be able to provide for the required paternity testing for Jake and I.”

As Rafael looked out towards the group Olivia could see the fire in his eyes as he looked at Ms. Fields from across the courtroom. As he spoke she could hear the anger towards the situation and towards Ms. Fields in his voice. Thankfully, no one had picked up on it so she mentally pleaded with him to look at her so she could try to calm him down and not get too frustrated. 

“Did anyone tell you how long Jake had been in foster care when she arrived to your home?”

“No. She stated he had been in care for a bit but did not state how long.”

“Mr. Barba, did Ms. Fields provide you with the copies of the legal paperwork from the mother, Ms. Anderson, you spoke about?”

“Yes. She did provide me a copy, which I have provided the court as well.”

“Did she tell you how long she had those documents in her possession?”

“No.”

“So, for all intensive purposes, Jake could have been in care for months or even years at that point and you did not find out about him until the day in question?”

“Yes. That is correct.”

As Carisi questioned Rafael she watched as Langan and Jake continued to jot notes down between the two of them. At the same time, Ms. Fisher also took notes on everything he stated. 

“Mr. Barba, you heard earlier testimony by Ms. Fields regarding the services Jake is receiving. Are those an accurate reflection of the services Jake is involved in at this time?”

“No they are not.”

“Can you explain to the court the differences?”

“When Jake was brought to my home there was no counselor or one-on-one aid for him. We were not provided any information on his medical, dental, or mental health needs or services. While it did take longer than we would have like, Ms. Benson and myself were able to get him into not only a one-on-one therapist but also have him assigned an older mentor and a younger mentee who he works with weekly.”

“So you are stating when Jake arrived in your home you were not provided the information needed to provide Jake with adequate medical, dental, or mental health treatment?”

“That is correct.”

“Do you have this information at this time?”

“I do not.”

“Mr. Barba, if you do not have this information from the state how have you been able to provide for Jake’s care?”

“Thankfully, my fiance, Ms. Benson, was able to speak with the providers she uses for her own son in order to have them accept Jake as a client on the basis we pay out of pocket until the information can be provided.”

“That can get very expensive, Mr. Barba.”

“Money is no question when it comes to the care of Jake. That is one of the reasons I became very upset with Ms. Fields initially, she would always bring up the financials of Jake being in care. He is not a piece of luggage or clothing you can buy..”

Rafael became quiet for a moment and Carisi looked at him as he waited for the older man to continue his thoughts as he could see there was more he wanted to say. 

As she watched Rafael from her seat she could see he was taking a few breaths trying to calm himself and trying to reign in the emotions he had been holding back for weeks and months since Jake arrived. 

“He is a human, a child, a person who deserves more than anything to be taken care of without someone looking at him like he is a dollar in their pocket.”

As Rafael spoke she could see the Judge’s face show a slight smile and watched as his eyes crossed the room towards Ms. Fields and Ms. Fisher before going back to Rafael. 

“Mr. Barba, what is your hope and expectation of the court today?”

“I want to take custody of my son, Jacob Scott Anderson, and be the father he should have had since the day he was born.”

“Thank you. No further questions at this time, your honor. However, I would like the opportunity to redirect if needed.”

“Granted.” The Judge stated as Langan stood to speak. 

“Your honor, I have a few questions for Mr. Barba.” Ms. Fisher spoke up and the Judge nodded as she moved towards Rafael. 

  
  



	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27:**

As Ms. Fisher made her way towards Rafael she and Carisi shared a look between the two. Olivia had never seen Carisi look at someone with so much distaste and hatred before and she was shocked he was doing it then. 

“Mr. Barba, you just admitted to the court you did intentionally threaten and intimidate both Ms. Fields and Jacob. Is that correct?”

“No. That is not correct.” Rafael stated through clenched teeth.

Olivia swore she could see the veins in his forehead and in his hands popping as Ms. Fisher spoke and asked him questions. 

“It isn’t? Mr. Barba you just admitted to doing so.” 

“No. I admitted to there being intimidation and there being a threatening manner. However, I never stated or admitted to those actions or verbal expressions being intentional.”

Olivia watched as Langan and Carisi had to hold back smirks as Rafael caught Ms. Fisher in a game of words. She watched Rafael as he eased comfortably in the normal banter and eased into his usual comfortableness within the courtroom. 

Meanwhile, Jake and Carisi were keeping tallies on Rafael’s smart remarks and eye rolls. Obviously there was some type of pool that she was sure Fin was in on as well by the way he kept smirking as he held his notepad and pen in his hand. 

“Mr. Barba, you testified to having verbal outbursts during the initial meeting with Ms. Fields and Jacob. Do you have an anger management problem Mr. Barba?”

“No, I do not.”

“Mr. Barba, you see and work with various cases of domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault, and other heinous actions is that correct?”

“Objection. Your honor, the cases Ms. Fisher is referring to may be active and open cases the NYPD is investigating and Mr. Barba would be potentially disclosing protected information if he were to discuss those cases.” Carisi interjected. 

“Sustained. Be careful, Ms. Fisher.”

“Mr. Barba will you provide the court a definition of what ‘anger management’ is?”

“It is the inability to handle one’s frustration, anger, or emotions regarding a situation, place, or thing.”

“So you would say the way you handled the situation regarding Jacob and Ms. Fields did not fall into ‘inappropriately handling one’s anger or emotions’?”

“It was a knee jerk reaction to someone randomly knocking on my door during the evening hours without any prior knowledge or notification of such situation. It was not an inappropriate use of anger.”

Ms. Fisher did not make any remarks and instead gave a tight smile and slightly shook her head before turning to look at Jake as he sat next to Langan. 

Olivia could see Rafael becoming upset at her attempting to say he had an anger management issue. She knew he always worried about being like his father and knew it was a sensitive topic for Rafael. 

As Ms. Fisher continued to look at Jake and as she turned to look at Ms. Fields Rafael spoke up catching her off guard. 

“Ms. Fisher have you ever had a relationship with someone with anger management issues?”

“I don’t see what that has to do with you, Mr. Barba.”

Olivia watched a sly, but deadly, smirk cross Rafael’s face and she knew he was going to play with fire with whatever his next words were. 

“I have.”

“Your honor, please advise Mr. Barba that he is not on the other side of the stand today.”

Before the Judge could say anything and before Carisi could step in and try to handle the situation Rafael spoke. His words, heated with fire at the memories, came very sharp in the quiet courtroom. 

“My father beat me and my mother everyday and could not control when he got upset or even if he was happy. So, Ms. Fisher, excuse me while I deny your allegations that I may have even the slightest similarities to the man who taught me just what it means to have an anger problem.” 

Jake’s head snapped up at the mention of Rafael’s father as did the other’s in the courtroom. Olivia knew the history between Rafael and his father but not many had been privy to the information and to that much personal information on him as he was always a very private person. 

“Mr. Barba, maybe the “knee jerk reaction” was, in fact, a true representation of just the anger management problem discussed by Ms. Fields.”

Before Rafael could make any remarks back to her she turned towards the table and moved to take her seat once more. 

“No more questions, your honor. The state rests at this time.”

As the judge nodded all eyes moved to Langan who had yet had the opportunity to question Rafael directly. 

“Mr. Langan do you have any questions for the witness?” The judge asked as Langan nodded in return.

“Just a couple, your honor.” He stated as he looked at Jake before moving to look at Rafael. 

“Mr. Barba, as you know I have spoken with Jake in great detail about his relationship with you and your family as well as how he has been since being in your home.”

“Yes.”

“Jake and I have spoken regarding the initial night in your home and the days following and I wanted you to clarify something for me if that is possible.”

“Okay.”

“Mr. Barba, what did Jake have with him when he arrived in your home?”

Olivia watched as Rafael took a ragged breath as he remembered the small duffle Jake had with him that first night and how he had stayed up all night to make sure he was okay.

“Ms. Fields brought Jake with a very small duffle bag that had very few items of clothing and a few personal items of Jake’s.”

“If you had to guess, how many items of clothing did Jake have at the time of placement in your home?”

“I do not have to guess. He had 3 pairs of pants and shorts that were either too big or too small, he had 2 t-shirts, a sweatshirt, 2 or 3 pairs of underwear, and a pair of tennis shoes that were very worn.”

“Mr. Barba, how do you know the exact items within the duffle bag?”

“When Jake got settled that first night he requested to take a shower and wash his clothing in the shower while he bathed. He stated he did not have anything clean and had been forced to wash his own clothing in the shower due to having many items stolen or lost since being in foster care.”

“When he asked this what did you say and do?”

“I explained to him he did not need to ever worry about losing his clothing or having them stolen and that he could not possibly wash his clothing and himself at the same time. I told him I would wash his items while he showered and I provided him some sweats and a few shirts I had until we were able to get everything washed and go get him new items.”

“Thank you. I have no further questions for Mr. Barba, your honor. However, I would like to call Jacob Anderson to the stand, your honor.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

Everyone’s head snapped at Langan’s direction and at Jake, who was still seated by Carisi at the table. Rafael’s eyes met hers trying to figure out why Langan was calling Jake to the stand and Carisi looked at Langan trying to figure out what the man was doing. Jake taking the stand was never part of their plan. 

“Objection, your honor. Jacob is a minor and should not be placed on the stand to testify in this case. He has also been in the courtroom for the entirety of the case and may be pressured or under unjust pressures to speak about these matters.” Ms. Fisher interjected as she stood. 

“Your honor, Jake approached me this morning during the court’s recess and requested he have the opportunity to let his voice be heard on matters that involve him. He is 13 and in a normal custody hearing he would have this opportunity, your honor.”

“I’ll allow it. However, be very careful Mr. Langan. I will not tolerate a minor being used as a pawn in my courtroom. That goes for all of you lawyers as well.” The judge stated as everyone nodded. 

All eyes were on Jake as he stood buttoning his jacket just like Rafael did before he moved towards the stand. He walked with a confidence that Olivia knew very well as being that of the older Barba sitting at the table in front of her. 

Rafael turned to look at her as Jake moved toward the stand and both of them shared an unknowing look of hesitation of what was to come. 

“How are you doing today, Jake?” 

“I am good. Thank you for asking.” Jake answered and Rafael couldn’t help but smile at his manners and his confidence on the stand. 

“Jake, we’ve heard from Ms. Fields and Mr. Barba today about why you are in foster care as well as how you have been since being at Mr. Barba’s home. A lot of which may have been hard to hear.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Jake, can you explain to the court why you wanted to also speak today?”

Olivia and Rafael watched as Jake looked down at his hands for a moment as he took a few breaths before looking up at the crowd in front of him. He locked eyes on not only Rafael but also Olivia, Ms. Fields, Langan, and Carisi before he looked at the judge sitting beside him. 

“Your honor, a lot has been said about me and about what I think, feel, and even about what I said or wrote. However, nobody has asked me directly and no one has asked me why I have said or felt the way I did. I wanted to have the opportunity to explain, in my own words, those things and provide clarity on what I want for my own life.” 

As Jake spoke Olivia leaned forward and squeezed Rafael’s shoulder in support as he turned to give her a small smile before turning back towards Jake with pride and love in his eyes. 

“Jake, will you tell everyone how you felt when you arrived at Mr. Barba’s that first night?”

“I was nervous and I had no idea what to say really. Olivia, Ms. Benson, had ridden with Ms. Fields and myself to Rafael, Mr. Barba’s, apartment. Ms. Fields had not told me where we were going or who we were going to see but I had read the file she brought when she stopped for gas. All I knew was Mr. Barba, Rafael, was supposed to be my father. A father I had never met.”

“Thank you, Jake.” Langan stated as he moved towards the table to look at his notebook before turning back towards Jake. 

“Jake, when you first met Mr. Barba how did you feel?”

“I was scared to death he wouldn’t like me. I had never met him before but once he spoke with me I felt at home.”

“Jake, were you ever scared of Mr. Barba or did you ever feel threatened by him?”

“No. Sure he can talk a bit loud and I could tell he and Ms. Fields were not getting along when Ms. Benson and I were in the kitchen but I never thought he was going to hurt me or that I wouldn’t be safe there.”

“Jake, have you ever felt unsafe in a place that Ms. Fields had placed you?”

Jake took a moment to look not only at Olivia but also Rafael. As the two men shared eye contact Rafael gave him a small smile and nod before Jake turned his head towards Ms. Fields and nodded. 

“Yes. Before I was with Raf- Mr. Barba I was in a group home. I didn’t get along with a lot of the other kids and I was always picked on and my things were stolen all the time because I wouldn’t fight back.”

“Did you ever tell Ms. Fields you did not feel safe at the group home?”

“Yes. She told me I just needed to adjust and that things would get better.”

As Jake spoke Olivia could see Rafael tense and watched as the judge’s eyes grew wide at the information Jake was providing. 

“Jake, what do you want for your own future?”

At the mention of his future Jake’s eyes lit up and he allowed a smirk to cross his face as he looked at her and Rafael with a grin. 

“I want to stay with Ms. Benson and Mr. Barba. They love me and they don’t treat me any different than Noah, Ms. Benson’s son, and allow me to do things with my friends.”

As he spoke Langan looked at Rafael with a small smile as he walked back towards the table to check his notes. When he placed his notepad back on the table he caught Rafael and Carisi’s eyes making them both slyly grab the notebook after he turned back to Jake. 

Olivia could not see what Langan had written on the notebook but she could see the look in both Carisi and Rafael’s faces. She watched as Rafael furrowed his brow as he read the words before his face relaxed into a confused look. She watched as his eyes grew read and an emotional smile crossed his face as Carisi leaned in to say something to him. 

“Jake, you and I spoke this morning when the court was in recess about Ms. Benson, Mr. Barba, and yourself. Would you be comfortable with telling the court what you and I spoke about and the question you asked me?”

Jake slowly nodded as he looked at the judge with bright, brown eyes and a small smile. 

“Your honor, I want to stay with Rafi - Mr. Barba. I don’t want to leave the only home I have known since my mother died. I don’t want to go back to a home where no one knows my story or even cares to learn it. I want to be in a home where I am safe and where I can always return home to, even when I have my own family.”

As Jake spoke Olivia felt tears build in her eyes and saw that Rafael was already dabbing his eye at the table. Fin held her hand close as he and Amanda leaned closer to show her they supported them and supported Jake. 

“Jake, can you please tell the court what you requested this morning?” Langan asked and both he and Jake shared a small smile and nod before Jake spoke.

“Your honor, I would like to request to be adopted by Raf - Mr. Barba and I would like to request my name change.”

When Jake spoke Olivia felt her breath stop and she could swear her heart skipped a beat. When she looked at Jake on the stand his eyes met hers and his Barba grin covered his face as he nodded at her. 

“Jacob, do you know what that means?” The judge asked and Jake nodded. 

“Yes. While I do love Ms. Benson and I am very appreciative for what she has done for me, I do not want to remove my mother from my life and would request my mother remain my legal mother while Mr. Barba adopts me as his son, officially.”

The Judged nodded and looked over the crowd as he thought of what Jake was asking him and the court to do. He looked at everyone in attendance and as he looked back at Jake he spoke.

“Jake, I am not able to rule on any adoption questions today as it would require a different type of hearing. I also can not rule on a name change until that time either. However..” The judge started as a small smile crossed his face before he looked at Jake. 

“However, If I were to rule on those items today, do you know what you would like your name to be, young man?”

“Yes, sir. I would like to change my name to Jacob Scott-Anderson Barba.” He said before he looked out to Rafael as both of them locked eyes with tears in their eyes and smiles on their faces.

“I want to be a Barba, just like my father Rafael Barba. Te amo, papi.”

  
  



	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29:**

As Rafael laid in bed his head spun on what had transpired over the past 24 hours. 

If anyone had told him the roller coaster ride he would have been on not only since Jake arrived at his door but more specifically the events in the courtroom and thereafter he would have called them a liar and rolled his eyes as they spoke.

He thought over every word that was spoken, thought over every retort that was completed, replayed every look he either gave or received. 

He watched the ceiling fan above him as he replayed Jake’s words in his head and felt tears enter the corners of his eyes as Jake’s voice crept into his head. 

_ “I would like to change my name to Jacob Scott-Anderson Barba. I want to be a Barba, just like my father Rafael Barba. Te amo, papi.” _

He never expected to be a father and never thought he would ever be called “papi” by anyone, let alone a child, his own flesh and blood. 

He loved Noah and his heart grew when Noah told him he loved him and called him “papi.” However, with Jake it was so much more. With Jake, it was like a piece of his soul found where it finally belonged. Where it had been trying to find and place itself for so long. 

As he thought over Jake’s testimony he allowed a soft smile to cross his face at the maturity and confidence Jake showed not only with Trevor but also with Ms. Fisher and Carisi. 

_ “Jake, do you understand that changing your name and having Mr. Barba adopt you would legally remove your mother’s last name from yours and you would be with Mr. Barba forever?” Carisi asked as he carefully walked in unknown territory.  _

_ They had never discussed or planned on Jake being on the stand and he was trying not to cross the line with not only Jake as a minor but also with Rafael staring him down behind him.  _

_ “Yes, sir. I love my mother and she will always be with me. However, I do believe my mother would understand my wishes and I do know she would be happy to know I have not only found my father but that I have also found a forever home where I am cared for just like she would have herself.” _

As he remembered Jake’s answers to Ms. Fisher he chuckled at the way Jake was with his words. He made a mental note to watch how he spoke to people as Liv had given him an earful about Jake getting it from him. 

_ “Jacob, do you understand what you are asking the court today?” _

_ “It’s Jake and yes I do.” _

_ “Jacob, will you explain to the court why you want to have Mr. Barba adopt you and why you want to change your name?” _

_ “Jake. As I have stated to both Mr. Langan and Mr. Carisi, I want to be with my family. I want to be in a place that I can call home not just today but also the next 50 years. I want to move forward with my life and be with my father, soon to be step-mother, and my new younger brother.” _

_ “Jacob, if you truly felt this way, why did you never speak with Ms. Fields about it before today?” _

_ “Ms. Fisher, with all due respect, my legal name might be Jacob but, as you have heard all day and as I have attempted to tell you, my name is Jake.” Jake stated very matter-of-factly.  _

_ Ms. Fisher, as well as the rest of the court, stared at him shocked in his statement. When he realized how harsh his words were he spoke up once again.  _

_ “I am sorry for my bluntness. However, I am, and have been, requesting to be called Jake. Just as you are called Ms. Fisher instead of Molly or Ms. Fields prefers to be called Ms. Fields instead of Susan in the court. I mean no disrespect.” _

_ As Jake looked around he caught Rafael’s shocked eye and as the older man nodded with a smirk but firm eyes he knew he had toed the line with his words.  _

_ “Ms. Fisher, I have not spoken with Ms. Fields regarding this because I did not feel it would change anything or even matter at the end of the day. I had spoke to her about my safety and issues previously but she did not do anything about it and I did not believe she would care if I said I wanted to stay with Mr. Barba because I knew she did not like him.” _

Rafael watched the ceiling fan spin as he replayed Jake’s answers and words in his head and as he remembered the way he held himself not only on the stand but also in the courtroom the entire day. He knew Jake was exhausted and bored by the end of the day. 

However, at the same time, he knew Jake was taking everything in and taking notes on different approaches and ways the respective lawyers handled things. Rafael was sure he would be taking everything he was seeing and hearing back to the debate team the following week. 

As he glanced at the clock beside him he sighed. It was well after when he should be asleep but instead of dreaming he was wide awake thinking. Wide awake replaying everything over and over again in his head. 

He had not been like this for a long time and it usually only happened when he had a hard case where things were not how they seemed. When the case was not as clean cut as he would like it to be before he had to take it to court. 

Without waking Liv’s sleeping form beside him he gently eased out of bed, grabbing a t-shirt on his way out of the bedroom. 

As he walked down the hallway towards the kitchen and his coffee maker he ran his fingers through his unruly hair. He made a mental note to get a haircut but doubted he would actually keep the appointment.

He set the Keurig up and as he waited for it to brew he took a few breaths as he replayed the events he never thought would transpire. Events he never in all his years in a courtroom expected to ever see or hear. 

_ “I would like to speak with Mr. Anderson in chambers before I give any ruling on this case. I do believe there have been adequate testimony not only from the state but also from Mr. Barba himself. However, I do have my own questions and concerns and do want to speak with him in private regarding parts of testimony from today.” the judge stated making everyone in the room confused.  _

_ As Rafael went to have Carisi make any remarks Ms. Fisher spoke.  _

_ “Your honor, with all due respect, the state would object. Jac-Jake is entitled to representation and a guardian with him at the time of questioning.” _

_ “I would agree with the state, your honor. I would request to be present as not only Jake’s lawyer but also the guardian ad litem on this case.” Langan spoke up as Carisi stook to also object.  _

_ “Mr. Carisi, I assume you are also going to object on the same grounds?” The judge asked.  _

_ “Your honor, Mr. Barba and myself would only request someone be in the room with Jake during the conversation.”  _

_ “Mr. Langan, I will allow you to be present while I speak with Mr. Anderson. However, it will be as an unbiased witness and guardian ad litem.” The judge stated and Langan nodded as he and Jake stood. _

_ “Court is in recess while I speak with Mr. Anderson in chambers.” _

He replayed the 40 minutes over in his head as he prepared his coffee. He knew he really didn’t need it and that he probably shouldn’t have the caffeine this late but he figured he might as well get a jump start on the morning, even if it was 3:30 am. 

As he drank his coffee he felt the tears well up as he remembered how terrified he was during those 40 minutes and, while he knew he didn’t have anything to worry about, his gut was telling him otherwise. 

It wasn’t until the Judge, Langan, and Jake returned to the courtroom that he realized his gut was right all along. That his worst fears were about to come true. 

_ “I have spoken in great detail with Jake about the events and situations he has been in since being in foster care, including his time in Mr. Barba’s home. I have also read the reports not only from the state but also Mr. Langan, Mr. Carisi, and Mr. Barba.” The judge started.  _

_ Jake glanced at Rafael with an excited smile. However, Rafael had noticed the grim look of Langan.  _

_ “However, I have also heard the testimony from multiple people today and, while I do take into account Mr. Anderson’s feelings and wishes, I also have to make my own ruling and decisions.”  _

_ As Jake looked over at him grinning the two shared a smirk as Carisi leaned over to him. _

_ “There is no way he will not rule in our favor. Langan and I ate Ms. Fisher up on the stand. Plus Jake was very adamant on what he wanted.” The younger lawyer whispered as the Judge continued. _

_ “I do not make my ruling easily and I do not believe either direction and either ruling would be in the best interests of this case. However, with that being said, I do have to take into account the statements from Ms. Fisher as well as Mr. Barba’s own testimony.” _

Rafael felt his heart lurch as he replayed the moment in his head. 

As he walked towards Jake’s bedroom he felt the hot tears he had been holding back for hours escape their confines. It wasn’t until he reached the bedroom door and started to open it that he completely broke, leaning on the door for support. 

_ “Mr. Barba, while I do believe you have done well with Mr. Anderson and I do believe you have overcome a lot of the state’s shortcomings when caring for him, I also believe there is a bigger problem that has been addressed today and that has not been resolved.” The judge stated as he looked at Rafael before looking at Jake. _

_ “I am ordering Mr. Barba to complete anger management and individual therapy.” _

_ His voice hit everyone like a ton of bricks and Rafael’s heart fell out of his chest with what he knew was about to happen.  _

_ “I am also ordering Jake be placed back into the state’s care until further notice while Mr. Barba completes his mandates and until the court can thoroughly and appropriately look at him as a placement again and be able to rule on whether or not he can care for Jake permanently or not.” _

_ As the judge hit his gavel Jake jumped up trying to get the verdict changed. As he cried and yelled at the court Langan had to walk him out of the courtroom before the Judge could make any other rulings against him.  _

_ At the same time, Rafael sat stunned and felt every breath and life in his body leave him.  _

As Rafael made his way towards the empty, unmade bed of Jake he couldn’t control his sobs and couldn’t control the emotions running through him. 

He did not know how long he sat on Jake’s bed, clutching the pillow that, less than 24 hours prior, was holding the head of his teenage son. It wasn’t until he heard Olivia’s voice cut through the night that he moved. 

“We will get him back, Rafi.”

As he looked up at her with tear stained eyes, he took a ragged breath. He was a broken man and said the only words he could choke out into the darkness. 

“I just want my son back. Let me have my son back.”

  
  



	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30:**

“Mr. Barba, it’s good to see you again. Please, come in.” Dr. Miles stated as he allowed Rafael to enter his office for their weekly therapy session. 

Langan had made sure Rafael had seen Dr. Miles immediately after the court hearing to help get the services started. Rafael agreed but only after Langan and Carisi discussed with him that if he wanted to fight for Jake to return to his and Olivia’s care at the next court hearing the following month he needed to show the court he had complied and did it timely and actively. 

“Hmph.” Rafael grunted as he made his way into the dimly lit office before taking a seat in the loveseat opposite Dr. Miles. 

As he sat he felt the air leave him once again. He knew what the doctor was going to want to discuss with him and he did not know if he had it in him or even if he wanted to open old wounds. 

“Rafael, we have seen each other for what.. 3 or 4 weeks now? Why don’t we move to something a bit deeper?” Dr. Miles started as Rafael let out the remaining breathes he held. 

“Tell me about your father.”

Rafael shuddered at the question and his already grumbly mood became worse as he twiddled his hands. He stayed still for what felt like an hour but he knew it only to be a mere few seconds. 

Dr. Miles did not say or do anything during that time and instead watched him. He hated being watched like this, hated having to reopen wounds he had sealed so well with books and sarcasm. 

In the end he took a shaky breath before speaking. He knew if he didn’t talk and didn’t participate it would mean the worst for Jake and he refused to allow that to happen.

“Mi padre era mi padre. He is not someone I allow take up my life. At least not anymore.” Rafael stated shortly. 

“I would object, wouldn’t you? I would argue he has and still does “take up” your life. I want you to think about a memory you have of him and tell me what you feel.”

Rafael didn’t say anything and instead fiddled with his hands once again before allowing his mind to think back to his childhood. To the memories he had tried so hard to forget and never remember. 

_ “Mami hice el equipo de debate!” Rafael exclaimed excitedly as he ran into the kitchen from school.  _

_ He had just started middle school and while he had Alex and Eddie to run the streets with he was far too eager to start working to become the next Judge.  _

_ It wasn’t until he turned the corner towards the living room that he saw it. The look on his mother’s face as his father stood over her with a hand out like he had just slapped her across the face.  _

_ “Debate team? Are you a wimp?” His father started as he turned towards him. _

_ “Ningún hijo mío estará en un equipo de debate. Es hora de que te pongas de pie.”  _

His breath caught as he remembered just how his father’s ring felt across his face and how the welts and scabs from the belt left marks on his back and hip that he still had to this day. 

“What do you feel, Rafael?”

“Fear. Sadness…” Rafael started as he kept his eyes shut trying to think of a happy memory to change the subject with no avail. 

“Go on.”

“Anger. I am angry. No, I am furious. I was just a kid. A kid who had to watch his mother get beat and a kid who still has the welts and marks to this day.” Rafael stated through clenched teeth as his eyes stayed shut. 

“Do you ever find that this anger boils over and causes harm to others?” 

When Dr. Miles spoke Rafael’s eyes snapped open and with a glare filled with fire he eyed the doctor down before he spoke through clenched teeth. 

“I am not my father. I would never lay a hand on my mother, on Olivia, on any woman. I would never allow my children to know the feeling of a belt or the feeling of their father’s anger and resentment towards them. I would rather die than put a hand on Jake and Noah.”

“I never said you would, Rafael. I only asked if your anger boils over and causes harm. You are the one who inferred I meant physical harm. Think about your words, your actions. Have you ever done or said something out of anger without thinking?”

Rafael knew what Dr. Miles was referring to and as he thought back to the first time he met Ms. Fields and Jake at his apartment. 

_ “Our judge has ruled that Jacob is able to stay with you while the paternity test and legal paperwork is completed in order to officially transfer custody to you. That is, if you wanted him to stay here. If not, he will go back upstate with me and return to the group home.”  _

_ Barba’s head snapped up at her with a look of pure hatred and vengeance. There was no way he would force Jacob back to a group home and back into a world of being an orphan. Whether or not Jacob was his biologically he knew Jacob deserved more in life than being bounced between homes and orphanages.  _

_ “He will stay here.”  _

_ Barba stared at her with fire in his eyes and all she could do was nod in agreement.  _

_ “The next availability for a DNA test isn't for another month -“  _

_ “-I’ll get it done here by Monday.” He interjected her.  _

_ “Mr. Barba, I know you are anxious to know the results but there is a process and we are not able to get it done before the scheduled time.” Ms. Fields replied getting annoyed at his attitude.  _

_ “Ms. Fields, I am the ADA for Manhattan. I work with the NYPD, FBI, and Homeland Security everyday. I do not need a lecture in government bureaucracy. I live it everyday.” _

He knew he had been a bit angry at the situation and knew he tended to allow his words to cut people at their core. It was his speciality, always had been. It was how he worked his way to the ADA’s office and how he held such a high record as a lawyer. He knew exactly what to say and when to say it to cut the deepest. 

He sighed as he replayed the exchange and the rest of the visit to Dr. Miles. 

He spoke of how angry he was at finding out about Jake and that he never even knew about him. 

He spoke of how Ms. Fields had made him angry by how she kept talking about money and costs when it came to Jake’s basis needs. 

He spoke about how his heart shattered that evening as he sat in the quiet of the apartment listening to Jake move around in the night as he found himself not only as an individual but also as someone who was at yet another home. 

“Rafael, you have come a long way since the days you remember when you think of your father. You have grown into a man who is more worried about a boy he didn’t even know was his or not than about allowing the anger take control and lash out. Although, you did say and do some things, you did not allow the anger to fully take over.” 

As Dr. Miles spoke Rafael watched his thumbs as he twiddled with them for the hundredth time since entering the office that day. 

It was something he did when he was nervous or when he was upset and had no idea when he started. The earliest memory of doing such was as a kid when he heard his father yelling or punching things. 

“Rafael, I do not believe you have a true anger management problem.” Dr. Miles stated and Rafael’s eyes snapped to his in surprise. 

Up until that point in his life many had attempted to label him “angry” when he had to discuss his father. His mother tried to get him to see someone after his passing but after one session he refused to go back. 

The doctor had inferred he desired the chaos and that the reason why his father’s coma was hard on him was because he did not want to leave that time of his life. He had politely told the therapist to leave him alone as he spit words to him in spanish as he walked out, never to return. 

Now, sitting in front of Dr. Miles, he was telling the same stories and working through the same issues and he had finally found someone who saw him as himself and not his father. 

“You don’t?”

“No.” Dr. Miles stated as he sat his notepad beside him before leaning towards Rafael.  “Rafael, I believe, while yes you have a temper, you actually are suffering from a form of PTSD due to the abuse your father did to you as a child.”

“That’s crazy. I haven’t been to war or anything.” Rafael started to say before Dr. Miles cut him off. 

“Rafael, I have been watching you at every session. Watching as you fiddle with your hands and how you react to certain things. Do you know what I have observed?” 

He didn’t wait for an answer before continuing. 

“You are calm and while you don’t want to be here you do participate. You talk about Jake, Olivia, and Noah and the struggles you deal with everyday. You talk about how losing Jake made you feel. You have even discussed the passing of your grandmother. However, it is only the mention and discussion of your father or the idea of abuse that you get upset or angry. It is only during those times you fiddle with your hands and twitch. You become very anxious during those times.”

As he spoke Rafael could feel the weight being lifted off him. He did not know why but all he knew is that while Dr. Miles spoke and talked to him he felt his body relax and he felt something lift of his shoulders that had been there all his life. He finally felt okay with who he was and the anxiety he never let anyone see. 

Rafael didn’t say anything as Dr. Miles continued to talk to him. He stayed quiet and listened to everything he was being told. 

In the end, he and Dr. Miles agreed to meet the following week and during which time Rafael would try something new to help with his stress and anxiety when it flared. 

The two discussed sudoku or puzzles as a way to allow his very Type-A brain to do something productive while also allowing it to relax. Dr. Miles had also ordered, much to Rafael’s disagreement, he cut back to only 1 or 2 cups of coffee a day and try to not have any on the weekends. 

“Thank you, Dr. Miles.” Rafael stated as he went to leave. 

The two men shared a slight smile as they shook hands and as Rafael walked out the office he felt something new building inside him, something different. He felt calmness. 


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31:**

It had been three weeks since the court hearing. Three weeks since he felt his world break. Three weeks since he saw the face of Jacob, saw the face of his son. 

“Are you ready for today?” Olivia asked as she handed him his coffee mug.

The two had taken the day off to spend a few hours with Jake for his birthday. Unfortunately, due to Ms. Fields unwillingness to work with their schedules they were unable to see him on his actual birthday. They knew Jake wouldn’t care either way but they cared. He had missed too many birthdays as it was. 

He gave her a weak smile as he took a sip. He knew he should be more excited for the day to come but he feared what he would see, feared what would happen after. He feared what would happen when he arrived home afterwards and what Jake was having to go through since leaving their home. 

“I just hope he likes his gifts. It’s not everyday you turn 14. I hate that we can’t spend his birthday with him like we planned.” 

“I’m sure he will, Rafa. He will be so happy with the Avengers things you got at Comic Con he probably won’t even care about everything else we got for him.” She stated and they both shared a smile as Noah bounded into the room. 

“We get to see Jake today!!” Noah exclaimed as he leapt into Rafael’s lap causing both of them to laugh at the young boys’ actions. 

As they got their items together and bundled Noah up in his jacket to meet Jake and Ms. Fields at the park before they would all go to the arcade Rafael couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious. 

He had not been able to see Jake since the court hearing and the last thing he told the younger Barba was he was sorry for hurting him and sorry for what was happening. The two had shared a moment together before Ms. Fields insisted on taking Jake with her to his “new home.”

The three walked down the sidewalk together, Noah excitedly talking as they did. He knew he should be more active in the conversation other than a few one-word answers but he feared he would hurt the young boy, even if he just talked about Legos, and did not know if he had it in him to deal with another heartbreak. 

As they approached the park they saw Jake there waiting as he sat on the bench by the jungle gym Noah loved. Rafael couldn’t help but smile and grin as the younger boy took off towards Jake, catching the teen by surprise as he leaped at him. 

“Hey there bud.” Rafael said as he approached, not really knowing what to say. 

When Jake heard his voice his eyes shot up to meet the older man’s and as he escaped Noah’s “elephant hug” he moved towards Rafael, taking the older man into a tight hug. 

“I miss you.” Jake said as he started to cry when Rafael’s arms wrapped around him. 

“Noah, why don’t we get some hot chocolate for everyone.” Olivia stated as she met Rafael’s eyes with a smile and a nod. 

As the two walked away Rafael and Jake stood there for a moment longer before taking a seat on the bench. Jake wiped his face quickly as they sat, trying not to let anyone see the red eyes he now carried. 

“I miss you too, Jake. I do.” 

“When can I come home?” 

“I wish I knew bud. I wish I knew.”

The two sat silent for a moment longer before Rafael reached over and nuzzled Jake’s hair, causing both of them to chuckle. 

“I’m staying out of trouble and I am doing good in school. Sonny said he would let me see Fordham Law with him when I get home.” Jake said as Rafael rolled his eyes. 

“Jacob, I will take you to see any college you want. However, Fordham Law will be the last one and only if you hate all the others. Plus I have an in with Harvard.” Rafael stated and Jake smiled. 

“When I talked to him he told me court should be coming up soon. Will I be able to come home then?” 

Jake’s question caused Rafael’s heart to skip a beat. He did not know what to say to the teen. He didn’t want to lie to him and didn’t want to get the young man’s hopes up but also wanted to give him an answer. 

“I’m not sure, Jake. I know I want you to come home and so does Olivia and Noah. Noah even made sure to hold off on LEGO night for when you come home so we can build that Star Wars ship together.”

“I hate the group home. I just want to be home again.”

“I know you do.” Rafael stated as he pulled Jake’s shoulder closer. 

“Jake, I am so sorry if I ever made you scared or if that first night frightened you. My father.. my father was not a good man and I vowed I would never be like him. I still vow I will not be like him and I will be a better father to you and Noah.”

“Raf.. you never did. I don’t know what Ms. Fields was talking about. If anything, she should realize just how crazy she is and how bad of a person she is for what she did.”

“Jake, she is doing her job.”

“She is still crazy.”

“Even so, let’s be nice. Okay?” Rafael asked and Jake nodded. 

The two continued to talk as Olivia and Noah waited in line for hot chocolate. She couldn’t tell what they were talking about exactly but she could tell they were having a heart-to-heart. 

As much as she knew Jake missed everyone she knew he missed Rafael the most and missed having his father with him. She also knew the two needed a few moments by themselves before Noah completely took up all of Jake’s time. 

“How is the visit going?” Olivia heard from behind and as she turned she was surprised to see Langan standing behind her and Noah. 

“Trevor? What are you doing here?”

“Well Ms. Fisher made a big deal about Rafael at the court hearing and thereafter that the judge allowed her to slide in a bit in the court order about all visits being supervised. It wasn’t caught until I received it after the Judge had already signed it.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me..” Olivia started as she held her tongue while Noah sipped his hot chocolate. 

“Yep. So I pulled some strings and had them allow me to do the “supervision” instead of Ms. Fields on the basis that her being present would take away from his birthday experience. I went and got him this morning.”

“Thank you Trevor. I really appreciate you doing this.” She stated as she took his hand in hers. 

“Just don’t do anything crazy. I don’t think I need to be right there with you guys. The order only said the visit needed to be supervised but did not say exactly how. So as far as I am concerned me sitting in the coffee shop that can see that area of the park clearly will do just fine. I have plenty of work to do anyway. If you guys want to go somewhere text me and I will follow and keep out of the way.”

“What time -“

“Take your time, Liv. I cleared my schedule. Just try not to have me driving too late tonight.” He said as the two shared a laugh before he turned towards the coffee shop. 

“Trevor?” She called out, making him turn towards her. 

“Hmm?” 

“Thank you.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32:**

Rafael paced outside the courthouse as his mind raced at the events of the last few hours. He was normally the collected and on-point one in the courtroom and it having to allow someone else to take the reigns was affecting him more than he wanted to admit. 

_ “Mr. Barba can’t seem to believe going to a therapist for 30 days shows he has overcome his anger management and anger outbursts problem, your honor.” Ms. Fisher stated after Sonny had explained the sessions with Dr. Miles.  _

_ “Objection!” Rafael stated as he stood abruptly before continuing.  _

_ “Ms. Fisher failed to hear anyone when Mr. Carisi clearly explained there was no ‘anger management’ issue and instead it is an issue with past trauma from my childhood that caused PTSD.” _

_ “Overruled.” _

_ “Objection!” Rafael yelled out before anyone could continue.  _

_ He knew he shouldn’t be interjecting but he felt he had no choice, the judge was allowing his biases to intervene on the hearing. Every time anything was brought up against him the judge backed it and if he didn’t know any better the judge had it out for him today.  _

_ “Your honor, by allowing the statements it places unjust bias on the case as well as myself when a psychiatric evaluation and mental health provider has already testified to as being incorrect!” _

_ “Sit down, Mr. Barba. I will not have you causing a coo in my courtroom. Mr. Carisi..” the judge started as he glared at Rafael before turning his eyes towards Sonny. “Get your co-counsel in order before I hold him in contempt.” _

_ “10 minute recess.” the judge stated as he hit the gavel before moving towards his chambers.  _

_ “Go take a walk, Barba. You need to calm down. The last thing we need right now is you pissing off someone and getting on the judge’s wrong side.” Sonny said sternly as he eyed the older man before Rafael stood and made his way towards the door.  _

As he moved back and forth on the steps, wearing a crease in the steps as he did, he ran through everything in his head and how they had ended up in the situation and how Jake had came to be. 

_ *14 years ago* _

_ “Is this seat taken?” He asked as he pointed to a stool at the bar. _

_ “Not at all.” The woman answered as she flashed him a smile causing him to do the same as he sat.  _

_ “Rafael.” He said as he held his hand out. _

_ As she placed hers within his he saw the slight blush creep across her face. _

_ “Cynthia.” _

He vaguely remembered Jake’s mother and vaguely remembered their time together. They had been on a few dates, nothing serious. However, in that short time and in those few encounters she had ended up pregnant and never told him. 

“Hey, you okay?” He heard from behind. 

As he turned towards the sound he felt a relief wash over him as Olivia approached. She had been dealing with a case and since Sonny was with him in court the team was down a man so she had to stay. 

“It’s been a morning.”

“I heard.” She replied with a soft smile as he gave her a questioning look.

“Did you really think Trevor or Carisi weren’t going to let me know what happened?” She replied as she eyed him. 

“Raf, what were you thinking? You can’t be feeding into their plan. They are doing this to get a rise out of you.”

“I know. Trust me I have been out here replaying it in my head. I have been replaying everything in my head, Liv. Everything.” He started and she didn’t say anything. 

Instead, she allowed him to vent and allowed him to get everything off his chest. She had seen him fall apart over the last month or so since Jake had been gone. The once composed and quick-remarked ADA had fallen into a broken and emotional man who had his world ripped from him. 

“How is it you have a kid with someone but don’t even know it? How does someone go an entire pregnancy, childhood, everything and then decide on their deathbed to leave a note for their child to read and figure out what it all meant?” 

“I just want my life back. I want my son home with us. I want to move into a place together with our boys. I want to plan our wedding and honeymoon.” He rambled as he paced. 

Out of the corner of her eye she watched as Carisi stepped out of the door to call Rafael back in the courtroom so they could begin. Before he could say anything she caught his eye and with a knowing look and nod between the two he silently returned back through the door, leaving her with Rafael out on the steps. 

“Raf, I know your head is racing and I know you are trying to figure out how to fix it all and how to make everything right again but you don’t have to do it alone.” She stated as she placed an arm on his shoulder making him stop moving. 

“Rafael, I am here. You have me, you have Noah, you have Jake. We are not going anywhere. If there is one thing I have learned from all of this it’s that Jake is resilient and he will not let this get him down so you shouldn’t either.”

He did not say anything and instead gave her a slight smile through tear filled eyes. As he pulled her into a hug he felt a rush of emotion hit him. 

The two stood embraced as he cried and she never moved. He had been the foundation for her too many times to count and she wanted to be the same for him. As he pulled away and placed a soft kiss on her forehead he looked down at his watch. 

“We need to get back in there. I am sure the judge will say something about me being late from recess.” He remarked as he let an eye roll slip causing her to chuckle. 

“Why don’t you take another moment to collect yourself, get back into  el tiburón mode and then rejoin us?” She said as she squeezed his hand before walking into the courthouse. 

He took a few moments to think and collect himself. As he realigned himself back to who he is and back to his normally confident self he thought back to Jake and Noah. They deserved to have a father who would fight for them not physically or inappropriately but with callous and skil. 

As he turned back to the courthouse door and made his way towards the courtroom he felt his confidence grow and return with every step.

He felt his passion for law, the same passion he had been missing over the last few weeks, return to his mind and soul. His soul finally felt at peace and his heart finally felt alive once again. 

He felt pride in who he was and the man he had become. The man his father never believed in but the man his sons looked up to and wanted to become. 

Now he just needed to show all these things to the court and to the judge. Show them just who he is and not the man Ms. Fields and Ms. Fisher were making him out to be. 

As he silently made his way into the room and sat alongside Sonny once again he felt calm. He felt peaceful and knew everything would work out the way it was meant to be. 

“Welcome back, Mr. Barba. I hope you have calmed down in your absence.” The judge stated and Rafael stood calmly. 

“Yes, your honor. I apologize for earlier. I am just very emotional and want the best for my son, Jake. It won’t happen again.” He stated before sitting down once again. 

“I would hope not, Mr. Barba.” The judge started as he took off his glasses before continuing to address the court and Rafael. 

“It has been a long time since Jacob had any real peace in his life, a long time since the young man could be a young man and not an adult. We have had many hearings regarding the future of Jacob and of his current situation and throughout the entire testimonies, both today and earlier, there has been one central theme..” He stated as he placed his glasses back on his nose before looking at Rafael. 

“Mr. Anderson wants to be with his father, Rafael Barba. That has been stated by every person who has testified and spoke over the last few hearings. Jacob has even expressed he wants to be adopted by Mr. Barba and he wants to be out of foster care.” 

As the judge spoke Rafael felt his chest tighten and his eyes start to water slightly. He, and the rest of the court, did not notice as Langan entered the room with Jake, quietly sitting beside Olivia. Instead, he was focused on everything the judge was saying, every word and remark he made. 

“While I do believe Mr. Barba has his faults I also believe the state did not meet the needs of young Mr. Anderson and failed to protect him from further harm. I also believe the actions of the state at the time of removal were unjust and failed to meet the legal requirements set forth by the New York Juvenile Code.” The judge stated as he looked towards Langan and gave a slight nod causing Langan and Jake to stand and come forth. 

“I believe it is in Jacob’s best interest to return to the home of Mr. Barba and Ms. Benson. I also believe it is in Jacob’s best interest to no longer be in foster care, a system which was set up to protect him but instead failed him.”

As he spoke and as Jake and Langan moved forward Rafael felt the tears in his eyes start to fall. He felt his heart race and his smile grow as his eyes met the same red and wet ones of his son. 

“With that being said.. Mr. Barba, I grant you custody of Jacob Scott Anderson and release the State of New York of any and all custody. Mr. Langan please continue to stay with Jacob as he and Mr. Barba look towards any adoption or name changes.” He stated as Langan nodded. 

With the hit of his gavel Rafael was out of his seat and he and Jake were locked in a tearful embrace in the middle of the courtroom. Both not wanting to let go and never wanting to have to say goodbye ever again. 

In this moment, in the middle of the courtroom, Rafael was not an ADA, he was not a lawyer, he was not anything other than a father, a man who loves his sons more than anything. 

“Let’s go home, mijo.” He whispered as the two separated before embracing once again. 

“Te amo, papi”

“Te amo, mijo.”


	33. Epilogue

**Epilogue:**

_ “This is it. Are you sure about this? We don’t have to do it, you know..” Rafael rambled as he and Jake walked towards the courthouse together.  _

_ “I want to, papi. I will always be my mother’s son but I also want to be my father's as well.” Jake said as they stopped at Rafael's normal coffee spot.  _

_ Rafael couldn’t believe Jake really wanted to go through with being adopted and with changing his name to Barba. It still baffled him that the 14, soon to be 15 year old, would finally be his legal son.  _

_ Sure he had been granted custody of Jake almost a year prior in what he would always remember as one of the toughest few months of his life, but this was different. This solidified Jake as his legal and biological son. Allowed Jake to be added to every insurance policy and every will he had written and filed in his safe at him. Allowed Jake to take his last name officially. It allowed both Jake and him to finally be at peace with the “what if’s” and the unknowns of their lives.  _

_ “Papi, you need to lay off the caffeine sometimes. You are rambling worse than Noah does when he gets excited about the zoo or snow.” Jake said with a smirk as Rafael rolled his eyes before taking a sip out of his cup as they continued their walk.  _

Rafael could remember the day just like it was yesterday. He could still taste the coffee on his lips and could still feel the cold, chilly air on his face. He still remembered what he was wearing and often wore the same tie when he needed a extra confidence boost. It was the day Jake officially became a Barba and the day he would never forget for the rest of his life. 

Jake had called earlier wanting to talk to him and as he sat back in his chair waiting for his eldest son to come by he thought about how much his life had changed since Jake arrived. They still had some ups and downs just like any other family but Jake was a great kid and had turned into a brilliant and amazing young man. 

_ “I think I am going to cry.. Is it possible to die of crying too much?” Olivia asked as they found their seats alongside Noah.  _

_ “Mi amor. Please don’t embarrass him. You did promise you would only cry three times today and this will be your fifth.” Rafael softly said as he handed her his handkerchief once again.  _

_ “Raf. He is graduating Yale today! This is a huge day for him and I am just so…” she started as she started to tear up once again.  _

_ “Mooommmmm please … papi.. Seriously…” Noah groaned as he handed her his handkerchief as well.  _

_ The two men shared a chuckle and knowing look as the ceremony started. He was so proud of Jake for not only everything he had done but also how dedicated he was to everything. He urged him to take some time to enjoy college and to relax a bit but just like the elder Barba it never happened and instead Jake was the President of his graduating class and the valedictorian.  _

_ He had landed an amazing internship with the DA’s office as Carisi’s shadow for the next year and was scheduled to take the BAR in the upcoming months. He was sure Carisi has pulled some strings to get Jake with him and with the DA’s office. Although, he dreaded the day he had the two in his courtroom and felt for whomever went against them.  _

_ Noah was the first to find him in the line and as his followed Noah’s guidance they met the eyes of his son. Even from the stands he could see the confidence in the young man’s face and the two shared a smile and Rafael forced back tears as he tried to blink them away causing Jake to chuckle and shake his head while Noah reached over and handed another handkerchief from his jacket.  _

_ “Here papi. Jake figured you would need this too. He told me to give you this one when he got ready to walk.”  _

_ As he took the handkerchief from Noah his fingers felt it before his eyes recognized what he saw and as he looked down to read what was written he could not hold back the tears that filled his eyes.  _

_ “Te amo, papi. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being mine. Your loving son, Jacob Scott-Anderson Barba.”  _

“Rafi, Noah and I are going to go pick up the things he needs for his robotics competition this weekend. Thought about grabbing some dinner while we were out. Did you want to join us?” Olivia asked as she made her way into his office. 

“I still can’t believe the same little boy who spent hours building legos with me will be in the state robotics competition this weekend.” Rafael stated as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into his lap for a moment. 

“Well I can’t believe our youngest son will be heading to college this fall.” Olivia groaned as she leaned into him a bit more. 

The two sat quiet for a few moments, enjoying each other’s embrace a bit longer. It wasn’t until she went to stand that he spoke again. 

“You guys go without me. Jake called and is swinging by to chat about something, sounded important.” Rafael said as he leaned in for a small, yet romantic kiss. 

“Do you guys ever stop?” Noah asked as he walked in the room with Jake following him. 

“Hey Jake. I am running to the store and thought about grabbing pizza. Did you want to join? I have to go with Noah to get a metal clasper thingy -” 

“Mom… please pay attention” Noah groaned causing the others to chuckle. 

“Not tonight, mami. I was actually hoping papi had a few moments to chat.” Jake answered as his eyes met Rafael’s from across the room. 

“Always, mijo. Come on in. Liv, think you guys can bring us home some slices?” Rafael asked as he and Olivia shared a loving and knowing look between the two. 

“Sure thing. Love you. Come on Noah.. now explain the clasper thing one more time..” 

As the two walked out of Rafael’s home office he and Jake shared a chuckle at Noah attempting to explain his robot to Olivia once again. 

“I still don’t follow what he says but I’ve learned to just go with it and nod when he talks.” Rafael chuckled causing Jake to shake his head in agreement. 

The two shared a few moments of laughter before the room fell quiet. The last time Jake had wanted to talk to him like this he was asking for advice on how to propose to his now fiancee, Elizabeth. 

“How’s Liz?” Rafael asked and he saw his son tense at the mention of Elizabeth. 

“What is going on mijo? Everything okay between you two? You guys seemed fine at Sunday dinner last week.”

“Papi, seriously.. Lay. off. The caffeine.” Jake chuckled as he made the all too familiar remark to Rafael when he rambled. 

“Liz and I are doing well.. Well great actually. We finally picked a date for the wedding.. I think. She can’t decide on where but I think we at least have a date set for October.”

“Wow that is only a few months away. Do you need help with anything? I know her family is not able to do a lot but your mother and I want to help. Is that why you called?” Rafael asked as he rambled once again causing his son to give him a knowing look. 

“No, we actually have everything for the wedding pretty much budgeted for. You and mami taught me well when it came to budgeting and managing finances.” Jake said as he twiddled his hands before looking around. 

“What is going on, Mijo? You can tell me anything. You know that right?” 

“I know, Papi. Umm.. I got some news this week and I am scared to death about it and needed your advice actually.” 

As he continued to twiddle his hands Rafael saw the young 13 year old who first entered his home instead of the 26 year old budding prosecutor sitting in front of him.

“Papi…” Jake said as he took a deep breath before continuing. “Elizabeth, Liz.. she .. uhh.. She is pregnant, papi.” Jake stated in almost a whisper as he looked at his father with tears in his eyes. 

Rafael did not know what to say and as he watched his son’s inner struggle at the news he smiled and went to the other side of his desk where his son was sitting and knelt down in front of him, the same way he had done the first time he met Jake. 

“Everything will be okay, mijo. You will be an amazing father.” Rafael stated as his eyes met Jake’s.

“You really think so, papi? I am scared to death.. Sure we talked about having kids at some point but I just don’t know. I mean yea I am so happy and I am so excited but now that we have actually seen the doctor and had everything confirmed I am so scared to death..” 

As Jake rambled Rafael just watched his son, watched the soon to be father think through all the emotions he knew all too well. Even though he did not know about Jake until he was a teenager he still had the same inner turmoils and Olivia had been the one to get him back on track. 

“Have you talked to Liz about it all?”

“Yea.. that’s why I am here now. She told me to talk to you about it all. We haven’t told anyone yet but she wanted me to talk to you. I love her so much, papi.” Jake said and Rafael could see the excitement and emotions fill his sons eyes as he spoke.

“Wait..” Jake said as he pulled his wallet out. 

“Do you want to see a picture? We don’t know if it will be a boy or girl yet since she is only 10 weeks but..” Jake said as he pulled out the sonogram picture from his wallet and pointed at what looked like a lima bean. “Here.. here is my son. I just know it.” 

The two sat talking about everything going on in Jake’s life and as the younger Barba spoke Rafael could not be more proud of his son. He could not be more excited for the journey that lay ahead of the young man and looked forward to him experiencing one of the best things in life, fatherhood. 


End file.
